8/1/03:

    All I remember is some sexy black girl with and English accent helping me to figure out some kind of battery re-charging thing. We were placing a small circular, disk-shaped lithium battery into a white plastic charger... which was powered by AA batteries, strangely. At first we thought it took two AA batteries... then we realized the re-charger took twelve batteries to re-charge the lithium one. We got discouraged.

8/2/03:

No dreams.

8/3/03:

    I am in the front yard of some kind of small home that is in a cheap housing complex. All the homes are new but look really cheap. I am with two guys I do not know. The house we are in front of, I think I live in (with them). Our front "yard" is a small-ish block of grass. There is a kind of small alley/street in front of that... then a chain-link fence and a giant dirt field in front of that. Our house is one of a long row of houses that are opposite the field of dirt.
    Our house looks kind of like a shack... I see plywood and added aluminum siding nailed into parts of it. I am paying attention to this rectangular "garden" thing in the front yard. It has a little rope around the parameter of it that is help up with little spikes. There are no plants of any kind in it... just dirt. I look closely at the dirt and see there is a layer of potato-sack material just under the dirt. I, for some reason, "know" that I have been "working" on this plant-less garden for many, many years. I start to look down at the potato sack material and the thin, old layer of dirt over it. I can see faded prints of things, photos, pictures, drawings, momentos - that I used to have hanging on my bedroom wall (that have been since taken down).  I see they have been there a long time. It's like their images have been printed on the material... but have severely faded over time and the elements. I start to get "worried" about the arrangement of the things printed on the sack material... as if I can arrange them somehow.
    Suddenly I sense that me and the two guys are moving out of this house. I look at the garden thing and feel really sad... like I never got the pictures in the order I wanted... even after all this time. It looks so filthy and old and pointless. I know we are going to leave very soon, maybe even right now, and I look down and know it's the last time I will "care" about this weird garden. I am crouched down and I look down the length of the alley/street and see that it is dawn... the morning sun is casting that weird glowing light all over everything and reflecting off little pools of water I see everywhere. One of the guys tells me it's time to "leave". I remember a conversation I had with someone where I was telling them that dawn/morning was my least favorite time of day  (because, in a way - I have always felt like that was the 'end' of a day cycle - and early afternoon was the beginning) because it seemed to represent death.

8/4/03:

    I'm in some big bedroom. I think I am lying in a bed an there is someone sitting on the bed talking to me. Everything in the room is cast in this kind of weird sepia tone golden light. I think that it may also be a hospital room as well as a bedroom. The person looking down at me may be Jon Stewart. It's almost like I am sick and he is visiting me.
    Suddenly I become aware that the room has changed. The room looks a little darker... like maybe it has black walls that are made of cloth - maybe even dark purple velvet. There are parts of the walls, near the edges, that have these colorful stuffed-cloth sculpture things. Some are pink, some are yellow... etc. There is strange lighting in the room... like halogen bulbs making point lighting around various parts of the room for a dramatic effect - very dim and dramatic. I think one wall has stars and moons painted on it with glow-in-the-dark paint. I see a dark metal, cylindrical trash can way in one corner. Even the bed is made of dark cloth. It almost looks like the same room as before... just decorated totally different... and almost from a different time. Instead of a Jon Stewart-ish guy at the bed... it's an old Asian woman... kind of old I guess. She has typical NYC Chinatown older Asian lady garb on. I am lying in the bed in the same position and she is in a different position than Jon was... but still sitting on the bed looking at me.
    Then suddenly I am back in the Jon Stewart room. I don't notice the transition at all. Then... back in the Asian woman room. I am not really aware of "switching" back and forth... maybe I am just kind of aware of both places at once(?).  I am the same person in each room/time.
    At one point I am definitely aware of each setting "switching" back and forth. I see the sepia tone/dark cloth room and Jon/Asian woman literally "fade" quickly back and forth back and forth.
    Then something weird happens. I suddenly am in both rooms at once. Both the "realities" have kind of "faded" visually... like everything about them has become "transparent" - you can see through all objects in the rooms. Both "images" of each reality have been superimposed over each other... like two photographs in Photoshop that have been made transparent and are placed over top of each other. I can see Jon's ghostly image (everything in his room is ghostly/transparent) kind of weirdly superimposed over the Asian woman (who is the same, along with her room). Both images/realities are kind of "floating" like that... and almost seem suspended in a much larger completely dark space. Both realities seem unaware of each other.
    Then both "rooms" or realities start to "spin" slowly, horizontally. Jon's spins in a counter-clockwise direction... and the Asian woman's in a clockwise direction. Jon and the Asian woman are kind-of in the same position in each room... although off by about a foot or two (as they keep shifting on the bed) and they seem to both act as the axis for their individual room/reality to spin from. It's weird... but even though I am obviously spinning along with each room... I seem to be witnessing each transparent room reality spin from my perspective in each bed... unmoved. The rooms start to spin and spin faster and faster... in opposite directions... their transparent images start to blur against the black space they are floating in. They spin faster and faster and they become just a rushing swish of color and shape and start to become indistinguishable from each other. As they get faster and faster... soon the outer walls of the room... any parameter... becomes invisible. Just the blurry axis is visible... which is like a pole of weirdly shaped light. Jon and the Asian woman's images have blurred into one long, weirdly shaped blurry pole of light/shape/color... and that's all I can see. But I still see the bed I am in... it's not moving.

8/5/03:

No dreams.

8/6/03:

No dreams.

8/7/03:

    I am floating down this giant river. It is very wide and beautiful. I am in some kind of boat that I can't see... like maybe a giant inflatable one. It is sunny and perhaps early Fall... early morning I think. I come upon this giant hotel. The hotel is on the bank of the river. It is a very old colonial style hotel... but may just be old in design as it looks new. To the hotel's left is a chain linked fence area with some boards and shovels. I "hear" an architectural "review" of the hotel as I am floating by it in the water and looking at it. I hear in the review that some very famous, old film star or high-profile politician's wife has quietly bought the place... and is adding a new wing to it. The review I hear in my head talks about how there is controversy surrounding the purchase of the hotel by this woman and the planned restorations/additions. Many feel it will rob the hotel of it's original, simple glory. The reviewer goes onto say that, no matter what this woman has in mind for the addition... it's cannot fail since the original hotel is so "grand" and "simple" and "perfect" and "enormous". I float past the front as I "hear" this and look at the front of the grand hotel and I agree with the reviewer I hear in my head. I hear him talk about the "great lawn" that is to the hotel's right. I see it as I float by and see the bright sun shining on the grass in a big open space... it looks great.
    Suddenly I turn around and look across at the other bank of the river. It is the edge of a forest that comes right up to the water. It is filled with very, very tall trees that have few leaves on them. I see about five guys wearing dark vintage suits hanging out in one of the tip tops of some of the trees... looking down at the water. I don't know how they could have possibly gotten up there. It's still very quiet and serene... and I can hear their voices echoing around the trees and water. I can hear what they are saying. One of them is saying he is going to jump into the water and the others are egging him on. I realize the guy promising to jump is Jim O'rourke. I think the other guys are some kind of band. The distance from the top of the trees to the water is very far... and the water against the bank of trees seems rocky and shallow. I can imagine jumping into it from that distance would most definitely kill you. I hear Jim say "I'm just gonna go for it!" and he dislodges himself from the top of the tree and starts to fall feet-first downward. His arms flap as he does. I know that he is taking a great risk but decided to just go for it. I hear the other guys go "Whoooooaaaaa!!!" Jim hits the water and a big "sploosh!" noise is heard. Everyone looks to see if he's still alive. At first he just floats on his back in the water and you only see his black, wet suit... not his head. It's scary. Is he dead? Then he moves and starts treading water. He's okay! All the other guys jump from trees into the water and join in.
    Suddenly... out of nowhere... all these people start jumping into the river. I can't tell where they are coming from. It's a giant mob scene... like a party. What was a quiet, echo-y, serene, sunny scene has now become a wild (morning?) party in the river with everyone swimming around and splashing. But no one has a swimsuit on. Everyone is in the water in their clothes on. Everyone starts to gather around my raft. I look up and see that my raft is actually this strange configuration of about thirty giant, black inflatable tire air tubes that have all been attached in this weird shape. People all start to get onto my raft and start talking to me. I realize that all these people are member of the bands Sonic Youth and Iggy and the Stooges and all their live road tech crew. They are all hanging out and getting ready for their gig at Jones Beach Amphitheater tonight [which in real life Jim and I are going to tonight].
    Suddenly a slight scenario shift: I am inside the massive hotel and am in some kind of small cafeteria room. I am sitting at a table with two guys and we are all eating these giant white bowls of porridge. We are eating them with metal spoons. I suddenly recognize one of the guys as my old ACT-UP friend Bill Henning. Then I see the other guy is this guy I used to dance with in clubs, I forget his name... he was from Canada. I haven't seen either of them in a long time. We just sit there eating out giant bowls of porridge with our metal spoons and talking about stuff. Suddenly... I take my dancer friends hands and put them both inside my bowl of porridge. He looks at me funny as I do this and so does Bill. I start massaging his hands, using the warm porridge as moisturizer. I keep doing it and at one point I say "I bet you wonder why Mark is massaging your hands in this bowl of oatmeal!" and they just stare at me. Why am I doing it? It is a very awkward social situation.
    I look down and see that both his hands have transformed into metal spoons... and I am massaging the spoons, which are his hands. I take my white cloth napkin and wipe the porridge off his spoon hands and take them out of the bowl. When he has his spoon hands back by his body... they become real hands... and he pulls out a cell phone and starts talking on it.
    I look over at a table nearby us and see a family eating. For some reason I know this is the parents and brothers and sisters of my dancer friend. They all come over and start talking to us. The parents are both very fat. They are both sipping from bottles of carbonated fruit water. They are acting kind of rude towards me and Bill. I start to look at the parents and realize there is a really strong physical resemblance to them and my dancer friend. I look at the mom and say "Oh wow! I really see a strong resemblance between you and your son!" and as I say this... I am looking at her upside-down reflection in the concave part of my metal spoon. I look up at her then and she doesn't look at me and just keeps sipping her water. She then, still looking away, points at a shelf on the wall near our table and says "Oh yea? Well you... I see a strong resemblance between you and your dildos over there!" Then see gets up and the whole family leaves. I look over at the shelf and there is a collection of dildos on it.

8/8/03:

No dreams.

8/9/03:

No dreams.

8/10/03:

    Terrible nightmare probably cause by all the stress I'm under lately:
    I seem to live in the middle of some kind of spectacular forest. I live in a trailer home... as small one... that looks like it really hooks to a car... like an Airstream. The forest I live in is really visual... it almost looks like a set from a fairy tale movie. There are many other trailer homes in the forest... it's like a little community. It always seems to be nighttime in the forest... but there seems to be dramatic stage lighting amongst the trees and trailers.
    For some reason there are a bunch of people in my trailer. I am entertaining them. One of them, I notice, has a weird little gun. It almost looks like some strange, old-fashioned toy gun (is it made of metal?) This person also looks like me ...except he has no eyes or nose. He has my body, hair, clothes and mouth and ears... everything is the same... except where his eyes and nose would be it is just blank, flat flesh. His mouth is kind of big too... really pronounced. He is sitting in a chair and laughing with everyone. I am aware that he looks exactly like me in every way except has no eyes... but this all seems normal. The eye-less me is waving the weird gun around and is acting very menacing. I suddenly become aware that this eye-less me is totally evil... like Satan or something.
    He somehow gives me the gun and then gives me instructions. I feel like his instructions are commands that I cannot under any circumstances ignore. He tells me that I have to kill someone with it every 60 seconds or the world will end or something awful will happen. He tells me to go outside and kill people every minute starting immediately or all this bad stuff will happen. Despite the surreal-ness of the dream I feel totally terrified and frightened. I feel sick to my stomach. Suddenly everyone else in the trailer is gone.
    Then I am outside the trailer. I know the eye-less me is watching me... from somewhere. I start to look through the little tiny barrel of the gun at the forest around me. Absolutely no one is around. I then realize that the gun is actually one of those strange "potato pellet" guns you used to see advertised in the back of old comic books. It only shoots little itty bitty pieces of raw potato out of a rubber band. I realize that, not only do I not want to shoot anyone... but that the gun he gave me is totally absurd and harmless. I am standing by a brick wall in the forest. I suddenly see the head of the eye-less me pop his head over the top of the wall and "look" at me. He starts to laugh maniacally and his mouth gets kind of big and I get the impression that his mouth is going to swallow me. I try to run but can't and it's really scary.
    I woke up from this dream totally scared... my heart was racing and I had to get up and turn the lights on and "calm" myself down.

8/11/03:

    Tomorrow...

8/12/03:

    I seem to exist in this weird... mountain-y, valley area. The grass all around me... and on all the mountains... is the sick yellow/brown color of baby diarrhea. I look at all the grass around me and see that not only is it the color of baby diarrhea... but it is baby diarrhea. I look closely and see that it is shaped to look like strands of grass. I see it oozing and bubbling and steaming. It is retched. I look on all the mountains around me and see miles and miles of baby diarrhea grass. It's a landscape of infinite baby diarrhea. I look in the distance and see a lake between two of the mountains. It is filled with bubbling... oozing baby diarrhea and has steam/smoke coming up from it. When I look at the lake it almost seems like a miniature... like a special effect in a film... that has been super-imposed into my field of vision... the bubbles of ooze in the lake don't match the far-distance perspective. All around me is baby diarrhea and it's horrible. Even the trees and cliffs. It's all a sick puke yellow. I look way up at the sky and see normal blue and clouds. It's the only normal thing in my whole world.

8/13/03:

    I am in a room that I think may be the Presidential Oval Office in the White House in Washington D.C. George W. Bush is there and there are other men in suits. Someone is setting up a film projector or VCR and TV set to watch some strange, underground film that was discovered by the white house. The film appears to be some kind of dangerous underground terrorist propaganda against the President. I know the film is from Holland. I see the opening credits (which are alternately white letters on a red background and red letters on a white background). The men in the room are very upset by the film and are talking about it very seriously. I don't know why I am there but I seem to be there as some kind of consultant... like I know something about the film or filmmaker. I get the impression that the film is totally harmless and that it is just an art piece that is humorous but that somehow the White House got a hold of it and they are getting upset over nothing at all... taking it way to seriously. As we watch the beginning of the film... I see the opening credits and they include this little red box with flashing letters on it. The letters spell out; "DUTCH."
    Then a total scenario shift: I am outside beside a beautiful stream in an idyllic forest setting... like a fairy tale setting. I think I am a woman who is kind of chunky and has long, unkempt. black hair that is dried out from too many bleach jobs and then dye jobs over that. My hair is dyed black. There is someone beside the stream... on the ground... that is injured and I am taking care of them. The way I take care of them is strange. I have a pile of what looks like translucent green grapes... but they may be made of glass. I cannot tell if they are glass or food. The grapes are heated up to a very high temperature... searing hot. Next to the grapes is a giant pile/mound of white sugar about two feet high. The pile has been "sliced" carefully down the center and one half of the mound is gone - so there is a little vertical "wall" of sugar in what used to be the center. I take these metal tong's I have and pick up one grape at a time and place it carefully inside the "wall" of white sugar. This causes the sugar it touches to melt and coat the grape. It's like I'm making candy. It is hard to get the grapes to get covered all the way because I can only touch them with the tong's. I have several grapes inside the wall of sugar going at once. As I do this I say to the sick person (whom I cannot see) "There... there... everything's going to be okay... ssshhhh... it's going to be all right... I'm going to take care of you..."
    Then another scenario shift: I am outside at what appears to be a Texas ranch. I am around this man who looks like a typical cowboy/Marlboro man. It's his ranch. He is sitting down at a wooden picnic table in his front yard. It is daytime and the yard is, of course, acres and acres in all direction. There is a couple there with us, a male and a female, they appear to be tourists. They appear to be buying food from the man. The man is preparing the food right there on the table. It is very strange what he is doing. He is making bull testicles, sometimes called "Rocky Mountain Oysters". But the way he is making them is weird. He has a while pile of raw ones on the table (they are small... the size of the 'grapes' in the earlier part of the dream). He also has next to that a HUGE bull testicle... I mean like two feet by two feet... an impossible size, next to those. This giant testicle has been heated up to a very high temperature... it's steaming hot and you can feel the heat radiating off of it. The giant testicle has been carefully sliced down the center (just like the pile of white sugar) and it just sits on the table like that... one half of a hot giant bull testicle. To "cook" the smaller ones... he takes them with his fingers and stuffs them into the vertical open side of the giant one... which is like a vertical wall of meat... which looks like cooked hamburger. He stuffs them in and they cook away... then he pulls them out and serves the, He just sits on the picnic table bench and does this all day. The male/female couple is looking at what he is doing and talking excitedly about it.

8/14/03:

NYC was blacked out.

8/15/03:

    I am in my apartment with Jim and I think some other people live there too. My apartment looks different that it really does. I seem to have some kind of weird brick terrace/balcony outside the bedroom window. It has these giant hinged windows that can shut and make it into a closed room. There is a bed build into it so it's like a sunny bedroom. One of the other people that lives there is this girl with blond hair. Her face is totally bizarre. She has no eyes or mouth or features... but her face is this mass of oozing off-white goo that kind of collects all over her face and crystallizes and breaks off... or just stays liquefied and kind of gets all over everything. It looks like semen... or maybe that goo that the aliens used to trap the characters in the movie "Aliens" before they were impregnated with the pod eggs. She's always hanging around with Jim and I in my apartment and wiping the goo off her face with tissues as it runs... or cracking off a little chunk of crystallized goo as it hardens and tossing it in the trash. I'm thinking "Her social life must be hell".
    At one point I am watching the goo face girl as she keeps leaving these little traces of goo on the brick walls of my apartment... and I know that Jim is on the terrace/bedroom thing taking a nap and listening to a CD that is playing in that room. There is a little CD player build right into the brick wall of the room. The terrace bedroom is lit up with natural light. I am watching the goo face girl as she keeps pressing her face against parts of the brick walls for about a minute each time, and leaving little bits of the goo on the walls. It's like she is crying.

8/16/03:

No dreams.

8/17/03:

No dreams.

8/18/03:

    Long dream. The only part of the dream I remember is this:
    I am in a pharmacy that is located either part of a giant hospital or a very large apartment complex. I am an older woman... and I am in a wheelchair. I seem to be wearing very stylish or expensive clothes. I seem to be very rich. There is an older female nurse there with me. The fluorescent lights in the gallery are kind of half-on, like we are in there after closing time. The nurse wheels me over to the side of a wall and then goes behind the counter. She starts gathering lots and lots of pills... all different kinds, and putting them all in this huge plastic white bottle - the size of a peanut butter jar. She then hands me the plastic pill jar. I  look inside it and there must be thousands of little pills in it... all different colors and varieties. I start to "drink" the pills... just tilt my head back and pour mouthful after mouthful of pills into my mouth and then swallow them... with no water. As I do this... I can kind of "see" the nurse at a weird little cash register behind the counter. It has a little orange LED display with numbers on top that display the total sale you are ringing up. She is adding up what the pills cost as I swallow them. She doesn't seem to know how much each mouthful is... she just hits the "enter" key every time a new total pops onto the LED display. It almost seems like my body is connected to the register... every time I swallow a mouthful... a new total appears on the display and the nurse rings it up. I see that each mouthful is enormously expensive. I somehow know that I am being taken advantage of for my money... like I don't need this many pills but the hospital gave them to me to make money. I also wonder if all these pills will kill me... but somehow know they won't. I just sit there as an old rich woman in a wheelchair... facing the wall, swallowing more and more and the nurse is ringing up more and more money. I am thinking "The United States needs socialized medicine."

8/19/03:

No dreams.

8/20/03:

    Jim and I are visiting the new home of Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon. They live in this enormous, space-age home that is the size of a football arena. It is in the shape of a giant oval or egg, and is white. It is supported by a massive system of girders and stuff. When we go inside the structure... we learn that they are shooting a movie inside the home, in a big room that looks like the seating area of a church. There are rows of wood pews with red cushion seating. There are a lot of celebrities sitting in the seat... I recognize Sigourney Weaver. They are sitting in the seats but also are being filmed. It's like there's a church service going on, but also being filmed. People are moving around and socializing but also everything they are doing is part of the script... it's rehearsed. I hear organ music.
    Then Jim and I are alone with Thurston and Kim. We are on one of the upper levels of the structure. We are in a giant white room with a set dining table. We're about to eat a meal. Kim and Thurston ask us to go to one of the lower levels to get something. Jim and I start descending this massive glut of escalators in the center of the structure... that descend through the center... down floor after floor. Every level is white and has neat arrangements of colorful furniture arranged like a department store. We get off at one of the levels and start browsing around along this "path" that is laid out by a red carpet. We are looking at all the different kinds of furniture. There is 70's modern organic looking chairs next to antique jukeboxes and stuff... everything imaginable.

8/21/03:

No dreams.

8/22/03:

No dreams.

8/23/03:

    I think I remember being in some giant... sunny office building... on up upper floor. The sun was beaming in through the windows onto the red industrial carpet floor. There was some woman there with straight blond hair and wearing a light beige business dress suit. I only saw her back and she was helping me arrange these colored files on this massive white counter top.
    That's all I can remember. I'm having trouble remembering my dreams lately because I'm so stressed out - and I don't sleep good.

8/24/03:

    Again... something about being in the large office building with the blond woman in the business suit of that I can only see the back of (except this time I think her suit was maroon). But that's really all I can remember.

8/25/03:

    Again... vague, barely remember-able dream. And again it involved the blond woman in the business suit dress in the office building. This time though it appeared to be nighttime and we are having drinks or dinner in what appeared to be the building's company bar/restaurant. Again I could not see her face. I remember we both had giant frozen drinks, like frozen daiquiris or something in big glasses. The restaurant had dramatic lighting and dark walls and was decorated in a kind of tropical/Thai/jungle theme. I remember the host seating us at our table. There were arrangements of dried flowers and lobster shells in some parts. That's all I remember.

8/26/03:

    Very brief remembrance of dream once again... but here's what I remember: I am not in the office building at all. I seem to be in an apartment building in Europe somewhere. I think the blond woman in the business suit dress is with me. We are in the dark, massive hallway of the old building. I can see light from a window way behind her. She is walking towards me and I can see her face. I am kind of "above" her and facing her. She is actually floating towards me... kind of hovering in my direction. It is so dark in the hallway that I can only see her head and upper torso. She is very pretty... with lots of make-up. Suddenly, as she is floating towards me... her hair... which was apparently a wig... just fly's right off of her head and reveals she has a totally bald head. Her head screams when this happens and it is very scary. Her eyes are looking right at me. Suddenly I "see" an extreme close-up of one of her eyes. It has lots of mascara on the eyelashes.

8/27/03:

No dreams.

8/28/03:

    Again... I didn't dream much... or can't remember much. Although I did dream that I owned a cat. I think I was going on some trip with this new cat... and traveling with it was proving difficult.

8/29/03:

No dreams.

8/30/03:

No dreams.

8/31/03 - 9/2/03

Didn't feel like recording dreams.