2/1/01:

   I'm with some friends and we are in the big lobby of some hotel. There is a convention going on there. I see a lot of middle aged men. Courney Love is siting on this grand piano in the foyer. Me and some friends of mine are hiding underneath the foyer and are going to play a joke on Courney. I keep poking my head out from underneath the piano and between her legs. She kind of notices but pretends not to. At one point she (or maybe one of us) spills a glass of water over the front of her, which spills all over me as I poke out from between her legs. I can't tell whether Courtney is annoyed or if she is getting a kick out of the whole thing.

2/2/01:

No dreams.

2/3/01:
No dreams...not been sleeping great.

2/4/01:

I'm sitting here staring at the screen and cannot remember my dreams for the life of me. I know I had them because as I was waking up I was like "Oh wow what an intense dream - I can't wait to write it in my journal!" and now I got so distracted I'm like "Huh?". If I remember it later I'll write it.

2/5/01:

Very weird psychic dream:
    I'm in some large, strange house with all of my extended family. I'm siting on the couch with my brother and we are watching this old television with bad reception. On TV is this documentary about that 80's band Animotion - who sang that song "(I Wanna Be Your) Obsession" - remember them? Anyway, it's about how they came out of the LA punk scene and were co-opted by a major label. The label heads took their song "Obsession" which was kind of a slow, gritty song that sounded similar to X, and they made it into the pop-y thing it is now. They also changed the band's image to be more marketable. They had footage of Animotion in it's early days at LA punk clubs and the singer looked like one of The Slits. I was like "Wow! I never knew that". The documentary said that the major label make-over thing caused so much strife between the band that they broke up after a second crappy album.
    Then I'm on the beach with my old friend from LA Ricky. We are swimming, it's overcast, everything is really beautiful. Sometimes when we look at the water it's daytime and sometimes it's nighttime. We go to this area that had a round sort of inlet where the water is very deep and there is a cliff of rocks all around it. We start swimming in it and some man comes up and tells us there are only certain times that people are allowed to swim in this part and we have to sign a list. We look up the rocky cliff (it's nighttime now) and see a house on the top of the cliff. We can see the lights on inside the house. It kind of looks like Frank Lloyd Wright's Falling Water House or maybe that house in Alfred Hitchcock's "North By Northwest" - the one where they leave to get on the plane.
    Then I'm back with my family in the house. My grandfather (who passed away a few years ago) is sitting on the couch next to us watching the thing on Animotion. Suddenly my grandfather dies. No one seems too upset, like he was very old and it was expected or whatever. And he's dead and that's it. Someone says "It was good that he had his last moments alive with his family."
    Then I wake up.

The psychic part is that when I woke up this morning someone sent me an email telling me that ahead-of-his-time, avant/experimental electronic music pioneer Iannis Xenakis died yesterday in Paris (thanks Joel!), of which I was shocked and unaware. The weird thing is that I always thought my late grandfather looked similar to Xennakis and I had actually remarked to people this fact several times in the past.

2/6/01:

Dreams not really there this morning or today. Hmmm...remembering my dreams has been real fuzzy latey. I wonder why?

2/7/01:

    I'm on Orchard street in Manhattan. There is construction going on - there is a giant scaffolding, supported by beams, that is covering the entire street. I am with Candis Cayne and - for some reason - we are in charge of what is happening to one of the buildings on the street. We are looking at the side of this brick building and talking about the design of it. There is this weird crane there that kind of allows us to "draw" on the surface of the brick of the building. As we are talking about the different ways we want the brick designed - the crane arm moves by itself and makes designs in the surface of the brick.
    Then I'm with some woman I don't know in some office building. We are researching this toy some guy invented. The toy is snow that never melts. At one point me and the woman sneak into this room - it's almost like we are "spying" on the invention - anyway, she is looking at something on a computer while I play with the non-melting snow. I am putting the snow on this pine tree branch that is in the office. I make a miniature of one of those ancient cliff indian villages that you see in the cliffs of the southwest United States.

2/8/01:

    I with Howard Stern in a Toy's 'R Us store. It is after closing time and we are riding around the fluorescent lit isles of toys on little girl's bikes. Howard's bike has a lot of those plastic streamers coming out the handlebars. I look down at the spokes in the wheels of mine and they have cards shoved in them to make that clickity-clackity sound. I look closer and see they are not cards but are Voicestream wireless cell phone brochures. I can see Jamie Lee Curtis on them. I can sense there are other people, employees in the store...maybe in the store room...but I never see them. We see an old issue of Vanity Fair on the floor and Uma Thurman is on the cover. Howard is riding his bike around in circles and keeps saying "Hahaha! Uma Thermos! Hahahaha! Uma Thermos!" ...then he just keeps riding his bike in circles and doesn't say anything.

2/9/01:

No dreams :(

2/10/01:

No dreams :(  :(

2/11/01:

    I'm in some production facility where they make gay porno movies. I'm watching some of the models "perform" with the owner of the production house. The owner is this really fat sleazy guy. The models are really cute, they look very "70's porno". There is one in particular that I think is very cute. I'm just like a fly on the wall in the place and they guys there don't seem to know I'm there at all.
    Then I'm in this big banquet hall at this lavish dinner party. I'm at a table with all this luscious food and everyone is dressed nice. The hall has immense windows and it is bright daylight outside - so I guess it's a lunch party. Heather Graham is sitting near me. After the meal is over the waiters clear the food and table away so that all is left is the floor. We all lay down on the carpet to take a nap. Suddenly I realize that the banquet hall is not a building at all but is actually a giant airplane. I can feel the roar of the engines and I realize that we are zooming high in the air. I can't believe that I am laying on the floor of an airplane (I realize that I am laying on the carpet in the aisle between the seats - this is what made up the length of the banquet table). I start to freak out like I think the aisle is going to open up and drop us all out of the plane and we will fall to earth. I then realize that the baggage storage area is right below us so if the aisle opens up we will fall into that, so it's OK. I get the sense that the plane is traveling from Texas to New York.
    Then I am at some suburban house somewhere that I don't know. I am standing at the front door/porch area. It's dusk. Inside the house are some people I don't know. There is this couple, a guy and a girl who are junkies and they seem like "trouble". They are always laughing. As I'm outside at the door, the cute "70's porno" guy comes walking up to the door and he is totally nude and has another nude guy with him. They walk up to the door arm in arm and as they walk past me the cute one stops and looks me up and down. I act like I don't see him and just keep looking forward. I can see out of the corner of my eye that he has dark circles under his eyes and I can tell he smells - he seems like a total junkie too. He walks past me into the house. I turn around and look at both of them as they walk in and see that both of their asses are covered in bruises and needle tracks - they are both junkies too. I'm in a house full of junkies.
    I go into the house and find out the "trouble" guy and girl couple are going to be sleeping in the main bedroom of the house. This makes me realize that I am actually in my parents house - even though I've never seen the house before. The "trouble" couple will be staying in my parent's bedroom.
    Suddenly it's the next morning. The "trouble" couple has left after sleeping in my parent's bedroom and I am there with the "70's porno guy" and his friend. They are sitting at the kitchen table smoking and are both nude. They smell like junkies. I am looking at the guy that I thought was cute and thinking "Even though this guys a damaged mess I still think he is very attractive". The morning sunlight is beaming through the kitchen window onto both of them and it's very picturesque.
    Suddenly I have a massage client coming over to the house. The client comes over and I decide to massage him in my parent's bedroom. The client goes in there and sits on the bed. I look and see there is a giant window in the bedroom that opens onto the living room - so we will have no privacy and the "70's porno guy" and his friend will be able to see us. My client says he doesn't mind. I look around my parent's room and see that all my mom's jewelry is missing. The "trouble" guy and girl stole everything out of my parent's room and are long gone. Fuck - what am I going to tell my folks? I wonder how much the stuff was worth?
    I go out and stand outside the front door of the house again. It's still morning. I look in the front yard and see Bryan "ChaosInAustin" playing in a giant mud puddle in the yard. He's covered in mud and there are dirty artificial flowers everywhere in the puddle. He doesn't see me.

2/12/01:

Too busy with shoot to record dreams...

2/13/01:

    Since I had no dreams again last night (is it because I've been sleeping with the cam on lately and and people are 'tuning in' in the middle of the night and sucking my dreams through my computer screen - like a sucubbus?), today's dream is provided by someone else. That "someone else" is Bryan "ChaosInAustin" whom I've been having a kind of "cyber" relationship with lately. I had a dream about him (on 2/11/01 - see above), and this was the first time I ever dreamed about him. The dream I had was very odd, and a lot of people gave what they thought my dream meant and what it revealed about how I feel about Bryan.
    So this dream that Bryan had almost seems like a kind of "response" dream, even though, it turns out - he had the dream THE SAME NIGHT AS I HAD A DREAM ABOUT HIM! What does it reveal about how he sees me? Why did we have it on the same night?
    Bryan writes:

I amazingly had a dream about Mark the very same day I made an appearance in his own labyrinthian subconscious. And I swear I emailed him first saying I had had the dream before he even posted his ìBry Mud Wrestles Fake Flowersî recounting. Our dreams happened probably hours from each other. He was definitely the focus of the dream, where as I just made a swine-like appearance in his.

  I related it to him last night, and he asked me write it up for his dream journal..I guess as a guest appearance. I worry that the timely occurence might seem sycophantic, but it really did happen about the same time.

  This last Sunday I got up way early and worked on my journal. By 11am, I got so sleepy I thought a nap was in order. Like many people, when I nap during the day my dreams seem to be much more lucid and tend to fit closer to reality than those deep-middle-of-the-night David Lynch REMfests.

  In this dream, I am driving home after a long day of work. I arrive home, and the house is not my current house. It was more like the South Fork house I visited when I went up to meet Ian Duncan for his birthday thang. The house is much more modern and you can tell there are ìgroundsî-- Nice open spaces all around, not like a palatial ranch, but clearly the neighbors are far off.

  So I pull into the garage, gather up all my purses, and trudge into the house loaded with too many projects. I am exhausted.

  Inside the living room there is a commotion taking place. I notice a HUGE back window that overlooks a very large backyard. There is a trampoline in the backyard, with three high bars next to it (I had these as a kid and would jump off them onto the tramp-- both Mark and I had discussed owning trampolines the night before.)

  The view of the backyard is quickly obstructed by this hubbub of activity. There seems to be about 15 people in the living room. Lights and microphones on stands and booms, camera flashes, video cameras charging, wires everywhere. A woman is sewing a costume. Another woman is fitting an actor into a suit. Two other actors are rehearsing an argument, both with scripts in their hands.

  Standing in all this mess is Mark with a clipboard, immersed in all this chaos.

  I immediately feel irritated. All I wanted to do was come home to some peace and quiet, and now this three-ring circus has moved in. (Not too symbolic eh?) I sigh and drop my bags. Then a feeling of excitement and enthusiasm for this project takes over.

  I am pretty sure this exciting feeling is due to an overwhelming pride in what Mark is doing, but it might be because I notice Mark has stopped talking to one of the technicians mid-rant, has noticed me, and then begins to walk towards meÖThe closer he gets the more overwhelming I feel pride and respect for himÖI become a bit frozen in place with awe.

  This is when the dream turned SuperRealistic-- you know, how it goes from so-so to one that will stay with you for weeks or months, along with all the sensory information that came with it. Like your brain had forgot to turn off all these parts so you could safely process and dream things without hurting yourself.

  He is wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and I can smell his musky scent from a few feet away...obviously he has been working hard on this project, and has been busy making sure everyone else is taken care of and has once again neglected to take care of himself. A wave of concern then pride passes over me.

  He finally reaches me, and comes nose to nose with my face. He pauses there and I can smell his sweet breath tainted with too much coffee.

  This is when all my senses begin to really kick in and I am SO there I feel like this really happened.

  He presses his full lips to mine, then parts his mouth and we kiss deeply. Little shock waves ripple through my brain and I try to remember every detail.

  I can taste his breath, smell the oil of his natural scent, not only feeling his tongue deep in my mouth, but the days old whiskers that are gently burning the area around my mouth. He grabs my hands that are hanging by my waist and squeezes each oneÖalmost kneading them.

  At the time my conscious mind is screaming, ìThis is your first kiss!î even though the scene plays out like we have been living together a long long time. I even realize that the timing is not logical, and that this is actually foretelling our first kiss. (but at the time realizing that this is JUST a dream..~sigh~)

  He steps back, and all that sensory input fades away suddenly. Like a return from OZ to Kansas, the dream returns to being more mundane. He smiles, and his left dimple makes a brief appearance. That makes me immensely happy.

  Mark turns around to everyone who is busily and mightily working on ìThe Projectî and starts to shoe them awayÖgathering everyone up to work on the next scene that is apparently going to take place in the backyard.

  The dream ended there. I woke-up aroused but in a nice warm way, and with an aching need to finally meet Mark. At first I had a hopeful certainty that this might actually happen 'someday' but it was soon overtaken with doubt that it may never happen.

  I had slept for a couple hours, and felt totally alert and alive. Obviously lots of this dream is based on reality. It's not so hard to guess all it's many meanings, but Mark wanted me to write this out for you all. ..so don't be too harsh!

2/14/01:

    I'm in the warehouse district of some up-scale artsy neighborhood in  city like Chicago or Atlanta. All the warehouses have been converted into expensive lofts and there are modern bars and coffee shops everywhere. I got a call from someone I had a date with once...he wants to meet me at this certain restaurant for our second date. I'm all excited.
    I drive to the restaurant in a Lamborgini or Ferrari or some car like that. I get to the place and it's all minimal with splashes of colored lights all over the walls. People on the street outside are dancing like in a rock video or something. The whole dream kind of reminds me of an 80's teen movie like "Teen Witch" or "Back to the Future" or something.
    I start dancing with the people in the street. I see this one guy that looks kind of cute. I just ignore him and keep dancing though. I am dancing and then the cute guy walks up to me and is like "Hey Mark!" - it's my date and I didn't recognize him! I wonder why he didn't say hello when we saw each other 10 minutes ago? And why didn't I recognize him?
    We go back to his apartment and start making out. While we are making out he tells me he had sex with a girl a few hours ago. Then he asks me if it's OK that I told him that.
    Suddenly I "wake up" - not for real, I'm still dreaming - and my heart is racing. I get this overwhelming feeling that this guy is an angel who was sent down from heaven to comfort me because I'm going to die somehow very soon. It's scary! Then I "go back to sleep" - in the dream. I dream more about the angel guy date. He's naked this time and looks really cute.

2/15/01:

    I don't remember much from last night's dream except for this weird sequence where I kept passing by these different guys that were in these all-white cubicles - almost like in a line-up. I seemed to be passing by them one by one and stopping at each one briefly. Each one of the guys was sitting at a little chair/desk thingy inside his white cubicle. All the guys were dressed in trendy clothes and each one was a different ethnicity. They all looked real handsome and model-y. I think maybe at one point one or two of them might of held up a piece of paper - maybe gave it to me - that had something important on it.

2/16/01:

    I'm invited to some weird beach resort with some couple I don't even know. We go to the beach place in a kind of plane/helicopter/spaceship contraption. We get out of the plane thing and we are in this kind of weird, rocky terrain. It kind of reminds me of Antelope Point in Arizona (see my 'Trip to the Middle of Nowhere Part Two' entry). There are weird, sculpted rock formations everywhere and then little puddles of water in the low points. Sometimes the puddles are as big as large ponds. People are situated here and there throughout the landscape. I get the sense that I may be on another planet. I pull all my clothes off and start masturbating, in view of the couple I came with. They don't seem to even notice at all - like this is normal behavior on this planet. I notice the rock around me gets really soft at this point - almost like whipped cream.
    Then suddenly I am on the set of some movie. The set of the movie seems to still be on the other planet. I have bleached hair and play some scene inside an old western-style jail cell.
    Then I seem to be in some trailer park - still on the planet. I am going to some party with people I don't even know. At the party everyone is dressed very "odd" - I get the sense that I am in the future? Or this is how they dress on this planet? I hook up with some guy at the party and we go back to his trailer. It's daylight. The guy goes into his trailer and I am outside. Everything looks odd - like alien or futuristic. I think I see pastel colors everywhere. Things around me seem kind of "backlit" with lights with colored filters - even though it's the daytime - a nice effect. There is an opening next to his trailer with lots of tall trees with lots of green leaves. Like a pasture or a lush valley. It looks really inviting. An old woman with a cane comes out of the valley and passes the guy's house right as he's coming out. The guy comes over to me and we head back to the party. As we do the old woman calls the guy "A loser...a failure". Then I hear a voice in my head saying "You hooked up with a failure this time Mark...he's a loser." As we're walking back to the party I hear another voice in my head saying "Your grandfather was a loser, your father was a winner, now you are a loser. It goes even - odd, odd- even." Weird.
    Then I am in the carriage space of a large truck. They are loading all these people onto the truck that were in the film I was in. It turns out we were not in a film at all. The "film" we were in was actually a kind of trail - and we had all been found "guilty" - odd. We were being loaded onto the truck for questioning. It's like a big party on the truck.

2/17/01:

    I remember going some kind of conveyor belt in a gigantic factory. It was like I was on the assembly line and workers were putting me together. Except there were no workers around me that I remember seeing. I think I saw workers in white suits (looked like radiation suits) assembling things in other areas. Sometimes I saw bright yellow tubes - like the things they were assembling were made of bright yellow something.
    As I reached the end of the assembly line conveyor belt, I went inside some kind of machine. The entry to the machine had those strips of rubber or felt hanging down - like in a car wash. I remember going through the rubber felt things and stopping myself from going in - I was scared I was going to get crushed or burned or something - I didn't know what was happening and I knew a human shouldn't be on this assembly line - it was for machines or toys or canned tomatoes or something. As I was trying to stop myself from going in, I could feel the conveyor belt "scooting" underneath me. I heard all the workers yelling and I felt the machine kind of shake - I think an alarm sound went off - I was disrupting the line.
    I could see inside the machine now - it was a normal looking classroom. Everyone was sitting at desks and they were all taking a test (I think). As I'm looking in there is a teacher standing there next to me handing me this oval plastic thing with holes in it. It had a "pen" looking thing attached to it with a piece of string. I got the impression that you were supposed to "punch" the "pen" thing through the holes and this was the way you took the test. She was holding it out for me to take it - and was kind of waiting for a long time. Some of the other students looked up at me as I was coming through this weird little entry way - the entry from the conveyor belt. I got the sense that the entry to the machine and the entry to the classroom didn't "match" - like it was a portal between two different realities. Weird.
    I poked my head outside to look at the factory half again to look and the factory was almost on fire. All the workers were running around in a frenzy and there were alarms going off - I saw smoke. Workers were gathered around where I was entering the machine from the conveyor belt and jamming things up. They had big metal poles that they were using to try to get me into the opening and into the machine. They all seemed really pissed off. I suddenly noticed that one of the workers was the same woman that was the teacher handing me the oval thing in the classroom. She was wearing the white radiation suit and had yellow ear protectors on (like the guys that direct planes on the runway wear) and clear goggles. She was really mad at me and kept saying "Get in there!!! Go in dammit!!" and was cursing and I kept looking back and forth in the classroom - then in the factory - then back. The teacher in the class (the same woman trying to force me in the factory) was now almost right in my face. The sense of calm on her face (and in the classroom) was really overwhelming - like it was so peaceful. Then to look out in the factory and see the same woman - so angry and mean. I got the sense that something really evil was going on and I was being tricked, and that once the factory workers got me into the "classroom" I would have no memory of the factory. Very creepy.

2/18/01:

No dreams.

2/19/01:

    I'm "observing" a movie starring someone like Mel Gibson or someone like that. It's like I'm "watching" it in my dream - but sometimes I seem to be "in" the movie. It's the story of this guy that can move inside and through concrete and metal and stuff. Like crawl around like a mole or something. He moves through the sidewalks and metal lampposts of what looks like a Universal Studios lot and gets people in the "city" to join him in helping organized crime. At one point he pops out of this mailbox and he is made up of the metal from the blue and red mailbox. All these people gather around him and cheer. He walks with his metal-y skin down the street and everybody is cheering. It like "Let's all go fight crime.
    Then I'm watching these cops get ready for a sting operation. They are all dressing as boy scouts to go undercover.

2/20/01:

    I'm photographing my friend Gregory for something. He is standing outside some building and it is nighttime. I go up close to Greg's face and tell him "OK I want to just look at your skin on your face and see if it's perfect - if you need any make up or not." I look at his face and it looks fine. Then I back up at get a full view of his body and snap the picture. I suddenly look at Greg and his face has transformed to that of a kind of overweight black lady's head - but that has droopy-dog like cartoon ears for hair, and has a skinny body and is wearing a coral blue nylon leotard - and her abdomen is kind of puffy, or maybe the crotch is bulging abnormally or something. He has an open gray sweatshirt and purple tights on and high heels and toy pearl bracelets and a little toy purse. He has his hands on his hips and is parting the open sweatshirt aside so you can se the leotard. Very, very odd. He's not even Greg anymore just this surreal creature and I'm like "What the fuck?" and he's just looking at me and he say's "Are you going to take the picture Mark?"

2/21/01:

    I'm on a radio talk show and in the studio with me are Madonna, Deborah Harry and Cindy Sherman. We are all talking about transformation. I see this weird graphic on the wall where Deborah changes into Madonna and then Pluto the Disney cartoon character dog.

2/22/01:

    I'm living in or visiting some building that was used in a 70's prison movie that had Harvey Keitel in it. The building is abandoned but well kept. It looks like a cross between a modern looking church and a school or prison. At one point I'm observing this couple that lives in the building and they are always having dramatic arguments. I am planning to meet Gregory later to do something. I go to his house and he says he can't come out because of some reason or another. I leave and walk down Houston Street (I seem to be in New York now - it's Springtime). I'm walking east on Houston between A and B and my cell rings - it's Girlina. She has this goofy voice and jokingly tells me she wants to buy some fresh vegetables from me. Suddenly I remember I set up this business a while ago selling fresh vegetables. How could I forget? What ever happened with that? I picture trying to grow fresh veggies at the abandoned building.
    I then go to some classroom with all these people and am interacting with them. I forget what we were doing. Outside the window of the classroom looks like Switzerland or Amsterdam. One guy in the class has glasses and is very handsome.
    I then get a call from Gregory who tells me to go back to his house because he's ready now. I walk across the grass median that seems to be in front of his house in my dream (I tear up the grass as I do) and go to the "back" entry of his house. He is there with Sammy. He tells me he can't do anything anymore and that he's sorry. I tell him "Get your shit together" and storm off. Sammy says "Yea!"
    I go back to the abandoned building. It is dusk outside and there is a video camera in one of the rooms recording the room. There is no one around. I am saying "good bye" to the building for some reason. I feel really melancholy.

2/23/01:

    I'm at some fantastic hotel in some unknown city. All these tall-walled hallways made of lights - and an indoor pool that looks like it is made of ice - and has waterfalls. I'm just there to use the bathroom or something but think to myself "I should book a night for Bryan and us to stay here - I can afford it!"
    Then i'm in "New York City" but it's unlike any NYC I've seen. I am in some big meeting hall and am sitting on the floor near the women's rest room. A giant group of women comes in and suddenly they are all trying to go to the rest room so there is this huge line. One woman is like "Fuck this!" and goes over to the men's rest room and is like "Look out fellas woman coming in!" Then a few seconds later I see her come out of the men's rest room and get back in line in the women's because she chickened out.
    Then I walk over to this other room and see this little TV set with Camille Paglia on it. She is being interviewed. I imagine Camille watching me on TV and talking about how great I am - and then I imagine my parents watching her talk about me.
    Then I'm in some courtyard between these buildings and I am thinking about camera angles. This little kid comes up on this pink plastic tricycle - like a Big Wheel - remember those? - and his tricycle comes really close up to me - like my eye is "framing" the image - really weird.
    Then it's nighttime. I am standing on this weird kind of "balcony" that is made of just flat, solid material. It is just attached to the side of this building on about the 15th floor. I can see the lit courtyard of another building below me. The balcony is just a plane with no rail or anything - just a flat slab - and it's huge! Probably about 50 yards by 50 yards. It has an odd crescent shape too. I pick up my cell phone and call Erik, I talk to him to tell him that I will meet him and some others in midtown soon - the reception is bad. As I'm talking I see the little kid on the Big Wheel ride into the courtyard below. He pulls below this dark window - which is about seven stories above him. A pink plastic tube - like air conditioning tubes - comes out of the window and down to him - like he is dropping something off or picking something up.
    Suddenly I remember I can fly. I decide to fly to midtown by just jumping off the balcony and kicking my legs in the air (how I fly) and soaring over the rooftops of Manhattan. It is really windy and I am near the edge of the balcony. I am on my phone again. I am afraid that the wind might blow me off the edge and I am scared because I'm not 100% sure I can fly if I do fall off.

2/24/01:

    I am going somewhere - like to work or for some appointment or something. I have to be there at a certain time. My roommate/film collaborator Michael agrees to take me there in his van. For some reason I have to ride on the roof of the van. It's a sunny, cool day and we have to take all these desolate highways to get there. I keep yelling at Michael to be careful - he keeps stopping too fast and I keep almost falling off the top of the van. He also keeps stopping the van on the side of the road to make weird adjustments to the van that don't matter. Like wipe a dust mark off the right front door or something. When I complain he gets defensive and takes even longer to do what he's doing just to upset me. I decide to just shut up and let him play games so maybe I can make it to the appointment. I should have never let him drive! At one point he's like "Well I stopped to wipe the dust off this door and now I might as well clean this door top to bottom!" and I'm like "No Michael I'll be late for my appointment!" I don't think I ever get there.

Now if that's not an analogy for our film I don't know what is!!!

2/25/01:

    I kind of watching this group of three girls. They are sitting at a table with a red table cloth (are the in a restaurant?) There is a puddle of what looks like orange soda on the table. Some voice "inside my head" is somehow letting me know that I need to examine that orange soda pop because it holds some sort of answer to something I need to know. As I'm approaching the table (although I don't think I'm really even 'there') one of the girls dunks her head in the orange soda puddle. Her friends convinced her to do it - for some reason. When she pulls her head up, the orange soda is now opaque, like the consistency of paint - but it's fizzing like carbonated soda. The girls has it all in her hair and it's making it stiff and stick out in all directions - she's laughing nervously like she just did something really wild. I'm like "I was too late."

2/26/01:

    Saw lots of "scary" images in my dreams last night. Like gouhly, pale faces with bloodshot eyes lurking over my bathtub. Weird and creepy. Ick. I think I also dreamed of some fat man that was demanding something I had promised to him that I had no idea about. Feeling out of control - I guess it was a nightmare. I woke up with this kind of dreadful feeling, but it faded away after a few minutes. Whew.

2/27/01:

Too bust with shoot to record dreams.

2/28/01:

No dreams.