6/1/03:

    I seem to live in this building that is a giant, old theater. I live in a side room in the back, near the stage exit. Outside the back of the theater is a small parking lot and what looks like trees and stuff... I get the impression it is in the south... like Louisiana or something. It is also always nighttime outside the theater.
    I seem to be involved with some show that happens nightly in the theater. It seems to be some kind of variety show - and I do a "reading" as my part of the show. I get the impression that the show has been going on for a very long time, but my addition to the show is a recent one - like a new job for me (as is living in the room in the theater building). I am kind of nervous about my nightly "performance" as part of the show. I think I just recently had my first one - and now I have to write a new "story" to read from every night. I have some assistant who is an overweight blond woman with glasses. She is very nice, and very experienced in the theater. She's always making sure I have everything I need before a performance (which is just my story typed out on paper and a microphone that works) and always asking to make sure I have all my affairs in order. I get the impression that she is very nice and good at her job - but that there is too much for her to take care of alone so her performance suffers. At one point... right before I am about to go on... I am telling her that I need some Scotch tape to tape something. I keep having to shout the words "Scotch tape" over a crowded dressing room because she can't hear me. Before she can get back... it's almost time for me to go on. It is at this point that I realize that the entire audience inside the packed theater is made up of gay men. Finally... after about twenty minutes the woman returns with my tape. I tell her thanks and run to my place on the stage. The audience has been waiting restlessly for twenty minutes for me to come on. My mark on the stage is all the way to stage left... almost behind the curtain and down this weird little ramp. I am supposed to read my story while facing to the right... with my side to the audience (and me almost behind the curtain and down this strange ramp so I am almost obscured). It's very odd. Still even in this weird position there are about five super bright spotlights shining on me. The whole rest of the stage is just empty. I read my story to the quiet audience. As I have my face down in my paper and am reading... I see ahead to things I think I should edit out and do so right on the spot.

6/2/03:

No dreams.

6/3/03:

    I dreamed that there was a power strip with a bunch of things plugged into it on the floor near the far wall in my apartment. It is raining... and I keep hearing this "bloooop - blop - bloop - blop" sound. Soon I realize that there is a leak of water... like from the ceiling... going directly into the power strip. It's like a faucet running... (that much water) and goes on and off, and is filling up the power strip through one of the un-plugged into outlets. I kick the power strip away from the water and just stare at it... all the stuff is plugged into it and there's water everywhere. I can't touch it, it's dangerous. I get this overwhelming feeling of wanting it to stop raining.
    Then a scenario change: I seem to be in a European city (?) or maybe an American one. It's is dusk and I am on a crowded sidewalk. There is this giant wooden paddle that is kind of "attached" to the sidewalk. It is like a crooked stop sign - sitting in the concrete at a 45 degree angle (but made of wood - like a giant beating spoon). It seems to be my "job" or "duty" to put my weight on the paddle and make it go down. I start doing this. People are kind of looking at me. As I do... I see the lowest part of the paddle is actually a blade... and it is slicing into this thing that looks like a giant roll of dark, wet carpet. I slowly slice off this little slice... that cuts directly into the side of the roll. When I'm done... all the people excitedly gather around and grab the piece I cut off from the roll off the sidewalk. They all grab it and start to unravel it - it's a weird shape. It seems to be actually wet, dark paper - with all kinds of patterns and pictures printed all over it. You can't make out the pictures because it's wet and too dark. Soon I realize that what the giant wet roll was, was a rolled-up (giant sized?) copy of a classic Hollywood film. When I "sliced" into it... it was a random act, and I was actually "editing" the classic film into a new version... without knowing what I was doing. The people all gather around the piece I cut off and unroll it and talk excitedly amongst themselves. They want to run off and put this into a projector so they can see the "new version" of the film. It turns out that there are "traps" like this all over this city... weird giant paddle things with rolled-up giant copies of classic films under them - waiting to be sliced by tourists or visitors that feel strangely compelled to push down on the paddle when they get near it's vicinity.

6/4/03:

No dreams.

6/5/03:

No dreams.

6/6/03:

    I am myself, but my body has totally changed - I am this weird midget who wears a hooded cloak - like a long robe with a big hood. I seem to be shorter than I normally am - like about three or so feet tall - like a midget or runt-y demon. It's creepy. My face is obscured in shadow by the hood - and what you can see of me looks skinny and pale - almost zombie-like. There seems to be something wrong with my eyes. My hands are bony and white with yellow fingernails.
    I "live" in this big basement of a house, but I seem to be a slave there. I seem to be a slave to some kind of "God" that monitors the basement at all times via a security camera system. My "job" - or slave duty - is to sweep the concrete floor of the basement a bunch of times a day with this witch-y looking broom (made from a nobly stick with real dead stick brush sticks tied with twine). I think the "God" is a slightly overweight blond woman who is very cold and mean. I have no idea how I got in this situation and I don't seem to think there is a way out. It is very weird - I am being held captive by her in this basement?
    One day when I am sweeping... I notice a weird crack in the cinder block wall of the basement. The crack is long and runs up the whole wall - and is skinny. I see that inside the crack, behind the wall, is fresh apple and maple granola - like instead of dirt. Whenever I think the security camera is not looking... I quickly reach out and grab a bit of granola between two fingers, if I can get it. It tastes soooo delicious. It is the only thing I have to ever look forward to in this reality, day in day out... sweeping... sweeping... sweeping. I almost cry because it tastes so good and now I feel I have something I can look forward to. I know the "God" will not allow me to eat the granola behind the wall, or if she even knows about it.
    At one point I think I am "caught" stealing the granola as the camera "beeps" on when I have my fingers in the crack. The "God" woman starts looking at me with a suspicious look through the camera (I can kind of 'see' her looking through the camera). She (I think) says "What are you doing over by that wall?" through a speaker system. I just put my hands back on the broom and keep sweeping. I know if I'm caught the punishment will be bad. I'm upset that my chances at the granola are in jeopardy, as it was my only thing that brought me hope. I just keep sweeping as she glares at me though the camera. I am in Hell.

6/7/03 - 6/22/03

Took a needed break from entering dreams.

6/23/03:

    Totally profound and frightening dream: I am standing at Columbus Circle in NYC. I am on the west side of the street... below the circle. I still have a clear view of the corner of Central Park. It is a beautiful, mild, Spring day. Out of the corner of my eye I see a big truck (not an 18-wheeler but a large flatbed truck size) zoom past me and to a building on the east side of the street (on the block right below the park). In my dream, the buildings on this block don't match the actual buildings in that location in real life. The truck zooms past me, across the street and blows over a car and then into the window of a store on the ground floor of the building. Everyone turns and looks and freaks out. Then suddenly... the tall building that is part of the the building the truck crashed into (it has a large base and then several separate buildings attached to each other on top of that - rising up with no space between them or even the building next to them) starts to crumble and collapse. The building that is collapsing is white and yellow and tall and thin, and looks like it was built in the 1960's. It crumbles all into the street - taking a long time. I scream and put my hands on the side of my head and yell out into the air "Why!? Why does this stuff keep happening!?" I am totally freaking out as is everyone around me. You can see the insides of the building most of it has crumbled into the street - just the very back is left and the parts that were touching other buildings. I can see separate apartments. I keep looking to see if I can see and bodies or people but I don't.

6/24/03:

    I dreamed that I woke up from sleeping and realized I had double vision. There was also something about a little mountain in a Southwestern USA type of area. But it's very vague. Since I can't remember last night's dream then I'll write about one memorable one I had last week when I was taking a break from recording them here:
    I am in some suburban area. It is daytime. The area is slightly run-down and the houses are small and kind of old. I, for some reason, am breaking into a house. I seem to know the person who lives in the house (in the dream only). It is this really butch lesbian. She's kind of fat and really butch and has a reputation for being very mean (I only know her in the dream though). I get into the house and look around. She is not home. The house has some items in it that look kind of grandma-y... like sofas with knit head rests and weird glass grape marble sculpture things on old antique coffee tables. Giant brass coin wall hangings. Maybe some macramé. There is Colonial American furniture mixed with other old styles. A lot of the windows have hanging plants in them.
    I turn on her television from her old, 70's-ish, Ethan Allen-style entertainment set. I start to watch this PBS-style debate talk show which has two very butch, chunky, short-haired, be-specled lesbian sitting in chairs debating something. They are both wearing business suits with skirts. They are acting cordial but are really at each other's throats about whatever they are arguing about... being very cruel to each other. As I listen I realize that the subject they are debating is Bill Clinton's anus... for some reason. One lesbian is for it and another is against it. As I am watching them... I suddenly kind of "see" one of the lesbians standing right in the living room, looking at me. She has the same outfit on as on TV. She is reaching over to Bill Clinton (who is also in the living room suddenly, laying on his back on an ottoman, nude, with his legs high in the air and his big, red, distended asshole on full display) and putting her hand in his asshole, taking something out of it and then reaching over and throwing whatever it is "into" the television screen (which is still showing her and the other girl debating). The lesbian is looking directly at me as she does this.
    I start to get really paranoid that the woman who's house I broke into is going to come home.

6/25/03:

    I am is some giant structure... like a very, very old mansion/building. It is very grand inside and has about ten floors. The center of the structure has these grand, criss-crossing staircases - huge and very dramatic when you look up from the ground floor. Parts of the inside of the building have giant marble columns and relief's and sculptural arches over the doorways. But some parts look like they have been "added onto" over the years... made of cheap plywood and paint, and unkempt. It's a weird old building. I feel like I may be in Europe but I'm not sure.
    I have arrived at this building with Jim after some kind of long journey... like by bus or train or hiking or something. We seem to be doing some kind of art or performance project there. There are hardly any people at all in the giant building. It is also Fall outside I think... as I see many dead leaves all over the floors in many of the rooms. A lot of the rooms look like they have red industrial carpeting in them, but when I look closer I realize that it is just red cloth thrown on the floor to look like rugs. Sometimes the wind in the rooms (from open doors?) blows the dead leaves and red cloth around. Jim and I seem to maybe be staying in another place at night nearby as we work on whatever project we are working on. Whatever we are doing appears to be happening in this weird ground floor added-on side room that has lots of bare wood on the inside. I think there is a stage in that room.
    There are others helping with our project  in the building, that are there too... but I can't see them... except for one goth-looking girl with black hair and tight jeans. At some points Jim and I seem to be totally alone in the giant house/building and it's very romantic and spooky... eating next to candles on the floor and stuff. But then at other times there are people there with us "setting things up."
    Suddenly... some time seems to have passed. I am still in the building... but the scenario has changed. Suddenly the building is filled with what appear to be students... all male. I guess the place is some kind of boarding school? All the students seem to be older... maybe college? It seems to be Spring or Summer now... daytime. I know Jim is still around but I don't see him. I am in the location of the side room that me and Jim were using for our project, except the room has changed now. It looks like a giant loft space, all white, with all these giant sheets of plywood that have been painted white everywhere with bright lights behind them. The whole giant room is painted white... and there are a lot of people (students?) standing around talking and holding drinks in plastic cups... very "gallery art opening." The front part of the room has rows of church pews made of dark wood with red velvet seats. At one point I am with someone I seem to know (in the dream) and we are meeting and talking with different people. There is a group of about four of us kind of sitting in the church pews and talking. At one point, this guy I'm talking to starts to tell me all about how he has a gun in his (dorm?) room upstairs and how he's going to kill himself with it in a few days because he's so miserable. As he's telling me this he seems totally happy. I'm just kind of like "Oh... okay!" When the guy walks away I tell my friend I'm with about the suicide guy. He seems mildly concerned.
    Everyone walks away from me to get more booze and suddenly the suicide guy walks back into the room from upstairs. He walks excitedly over to me and shows me his gun. It is inside what looks like a silver eyeglasses case - that new plastic/polished aluminum bubble-shaped kind you see everywhere now. It pops open like an eyeglass case. But it is in the shape of a gun. He hands it to me and is like "Look!" I take it and open it up. There is indeed a gun inside. The gun is silver with strips of pale gold on it. The guy is really anxious and happy about showing it to me. I get the impression that, despite his childish manner about the situation... he is sincere in his desire to kill himself at some point. Soon my friends come back with drinks and the suicide guy walks away. I am still holding the gun. I tell my friends about the guy and wanting to kill himself and show them the gun. They are just kind of like "Whoa man." but don't seem too worried. I think that one of my friends may have been Jim at that point but I'm not sure.
    I decide to go upstairs and find one of the headmasters or professors at the school and tell them about the guy. I go into the grand center of the building and run up the huge, winding, criss-crossing, marble stairs and up to I think the third or fourth floor. I find this long, dark, weird hallway with stacks of old plywood and ropes and rolls of fabric and stuff... I feel like it's the backstage area of a theater. I walk along it... down down down... past everything. It suddenly it opens up onto this grand, *huge* indoor balcony that overlooks the entrance to the building. The floor is black and white marble checkered and the railing of the balcony is some kind of white marble sculptural thing. There are white columns holding the whole thing up. I see an older professor talking to a few students by the edge of the balcony. I walk way over to them and tell the professor about the kid who wants to kill himself. As I do this... suddenly the suicide kid pops up out of nowhere and is looking right at me, smiling as I talk to the professor. The professor tells me that he will take appropriate action and he leads the suicide student away. I run back downstairs.
    Suddenly... Jim is back! Everything seems to have changed again... is it back to Fall? It is nighttime again. the students don't seem to be around anymore. Jim and I are running around packing all the stuff from our project up... we are leaving, going home! I have that feeling you get when you are leaving an important place where a lot of stuff has happened. I think about all the things that have happened in this building while we were here and I feel melancholic. Jim and I keep running up and down different sets of stairs yelling at each other "Did you get this?!" and "Don't forget the..." I feel like I'm leaving college or something. I see dead leaves and blowing red fabric again.
    Suddenly I am running up the grand central stairs again and as I am... suddenly the place changes back to daylight and all the students are around... weird. As I climb the stairs the sound of the students gets louder and the sunlight shining in the windows gets brighter. I "sense" that Jim has "disappeared" below me... on the ground floor... like walking up the stairs takes me to a different time and place. Suddenly... I see that the staircase I am on is a centralized, free-standing, criss-crossed stair thing... like a giant marble spiral staircase that doesn't touch any of the walls all the way up the front, center of the building. It's kind of scary. I wonder if it's sturdy? I see two wacky, spectacle-ed professors working on some project on one of the landings of the stairway. they are arguing. Suddenly I look around and the stairway is no longer made of marble. It seems to be this rickety structure made from nailed-together 2'x4' pieces of wood. Just jutting up in the giant center of the building with no support. It looks like it could fall apart at any second... and I'm on like the fourth landing! I start to quickly descend the structure (having to step on boards as there are huge gaps between them hat drop straight to the floor). As I pass the wacky professors on the way down... I see that they have transformed into the Dale Gribble and Bill Dauterive characters from the TV show "King of the Hill." They are animated. They are screaming at each other as the stair structure starts to fall apart around me. Dale is yelling at Bill "What did you build this thing with Dale!?!?!? A-a-a-a-g-g-g-h-h-h-h-h!!!"
    Suddenly... the location of the structure has move, and things have changed around me. I am descending the structure still, and it is still falling apart (kind of) but seems to have stabilized. I have about two more landings before I reach the bottom. I realize now that the free-standing, wood staircase structure is now outside in the front of the building, for some reason. It is nighttime again and maybe Fall again. I know that Jim is down there waiting for me. As I reach the second to the last landing... I see there is a crude ladder made from boards I have to descend. I also see that Domenic is there... and he kind of "lives" on the landing. I see a bed and computer and TV there... it's like a weird outdoor apartment for him. He says some joking/insult thing to me as I descend the ladder. I respond with some kind of quip as I kind of "float" down the ladder.
    Then I reach the bottom. Jim greets me. It is indeed night and Fall and seems to have reverted back to the original time of the dream. Except everything is indeed over and we are all packed up and are going home. I look up at the building and see that it is abandoned and dark and all boarded up (did anyone ever inhabit it recently at all?)  Jim and I walk away from the building (towards our train?)
    As we are walking carrying our backpacks... I suddenly realize that I am still carrying the suicide guy's gun.

6/26/03:

    No dreams.

6/27/03:

    I am in some town I don't know... at what looks like some very fancy, lake-side resort. The resort house is beautiful... fantastic. Huge... with gigantic, several stories-high windows that look outside and giant indoor balconies. Everything is white and beige and industrial carpeting. Some glass walls and chrome hand rails on all the stairs. There is one room that looks like a giant stage that has all these beige-colored giant drawers made out of huge tree trunks (fake) - you can pull the drawers open with big knobs on the front. They are lit up dramatically. Kids are playing in them.
    I am there with some red-headed woman who tells me I have to get a photo I.D. for something... then when I'm done to go outside the front of the resort and meet her in her car. She shows me where to wait for my photo I.D. It's this huge glass room with giant glass doors. I can see outside the resort from the room - it's very sunny and blue skies and looks like it might have snowed recently. The parking lot looks wet.
    The room I am in has this half-wall thing jutting out from the wall - covered in the same beige carpet - that you can sit on and wait. I am alone and waiting. Soon a woman with blond hair and a white lab coat comes in and seems to be tending to this very old woman. She sits the old woman down on the half wall thing and tells the old woman to "wait in her seat" while she goes and gets something. When the blond woman walks back out of the glass doors... the old woman gets up and leaves. The blond woman then comes back in and looks around. She realizes the old woman has "escaped" She sighs and says "She didn't get her picture taken yet! I haven't taken her photo!" She looks over at me and says "You! Why don't you come here a minute and do me a little favor!" She helps me up and leads me (by holding me up by my arms) out of the room and into the main hall and then into a small door and down a small hall and into another room.
    As we are walking along (she is helping me like I'm a cripple or something) she says "Can you do me a favor and just pose for this old woman's photo? I can't keep of all these antsy old people on vacation... I have a boss to answer to! Do you mind?" I tell her that I don't mind. As we are walking towards the photo room we start to turn and turn and turn down all these small, maze-like halls and close-walled hallways. Suddenly the blond woman runs into some tall bald guy with a giant camera. They seem to know each other. I sense the bald guy is a reported for the local newspaper. They chat as she is leading me along... all "Oh hi Bob! What are you up to!?" and he's like "Oh hey ...just trying to get some photos for the new issue!" We keep walking along, past the bald guy, and into the photo room. The photo room looks like a Xerox copy machine room of an office. As we enter the room, the bald guy says "Hey!" from behind us. We both turn around and he snaps our photo. There is a huge flash device on the camera and it is really bright. As he flashes it I "see" the photo in black and white. I hate that I am wearing this cut-up black sweatshirt with a very low neckline, and a gray Fedora hat. It looks ridiculous.
    Then a total scenario shift: I am Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson) from the TV show "The X-Files". I look like her and am wearing her clothes from the show, but am myself inside. I am in some really nice house that I think is inhabited by witches or evil beings or something. I am in a room that has lots of opening/folding closet doors - like with a knob in the center and you open them and they "fold" in two along metal tracks on the top and bottom. The doors are very thick wood and are painted the same pale beige that the whole room. I am looking for something. I seem to be concentrating on this very tiny black dot that is on one of the door - like a speck of paint. I think it represents something very evil.
    Suddenly I am not Scully anymore... she is still in the room doing the same thing, but now I am kind of "observing" her. She is still looking in closets and drawers and concentrating on the dot. I then kind of notice that the room she is in looks very similar to my parent's huge bathroom in one of the houses I grew up in, in Plano, Texas... near Big Lake Park. Then... Scully suddenly hears a noise, one of the evil beings is in the house and knows she's there! It's coming down the hall around the corner towards her! I see the evil being as this very large, old looking "face" or maybe just a nose - an old man's face or wrinkle-y, big nose - wrapped in this black, glowing thing that kind of resembles a vagina. The giant thing just floats through the halls like this. I definitely recognize the halls the thing is floating through as my old house. I suddenly see Scully hide inside one of the closets in the bathroom. This makes no sense because there is a door to the back porch right outside the bathroom! She could of escaped! Then I see the floating evil being stop and back up into a closet near it (in the hall)- who's doors open and close automatically for it. The being has not reached the bathroom yet. I know this is very bad. I then hear distant, multi-layered screams (possibly Scully's) and I see this black tar/oil mixed with silver glitter and sequins oozing out from under the door of the closet the evil being is in. It's really scary.

6/28/03:

No dreams.

6/29/03:

    This was a weird, half-awake/half-asleep dream as I was drifting into sleep. Sometimes I say prayers at night and this happened as I was doing this (I was kind of half asleep when I did them):
    I was praying silently in my head and some voice interrupted me and said "No need to pray after January 1st! On January 1st you'll be free!" I saw the figure of a man in a khaki trench coat and fedora hat "standing" or "walking along" amongst the words of my prayer (which were 'printed out' behind him really large, white against a black background). He stopped at the part of the sentence I was saying in my head where I was stopped by the voice... then seemed to turn around and go the other direction. This kind of jolted me awake. It was weird.

6/30/03:

No dreams.