3/1/02:

    It is important to note that recently I purchased the Mac version of the computer games "The Sims" and I have been playing it A LOT. Here's last night's dream:
    I keep waking up from my sleep (in the dream) and it is daylight in my apartment. I get up and touch objects in my apartment. They kind of "light up" and disappear. I can see a little roster of my bank account as I do this. I can also see a little meter that measures how happy I am based on what objects I delete from my apartment. There is this catalogue that kind of hovers in the air that i am aware of and that has new objects I can purchase - which I do sometimes. It is all very distracting and I keep trying to sleep but then I keep having to get up and delete and buy objects for my apartment. I am wearing red sweat pants and my glasses. I am thinking "This is too much to deal with!"

3/2/02:

    There is some weird thing where I live in this really flat, complex city inside this kind of shell-shaped band shell thing. The city kind of looks like it's in Europe somewhere - the architecture is weird and it looks like a mix of the new and very old. The buildings are all weird - like I live in a concrete band shell. I live there with a family but they are not my family, I don't know them. The mother is sometimes this girl I knew from these temp jobs I had named Emily, and sometimes she is the actress Beverly D'Angelo.
    I seem to have a separate apartment near the band shell that is this little room with a bed and a window and all of these shelves of books, which I seem to collect.
    There is also this weird thing where the edge of the city seems to connect to a famous European city - maybe Paris or Rome, I'm not sure, and sometimes I or the family goes over there for the afternoon. One time when I am over there by myself for one day, it's Rome I think. I meet this guy whom I know from my home city. We start talking while we are sitting on this park bench. He likes books too and we talk about our book collections. Pretty soon we are having sex in this hotel room and I realize that I hadn't taken a shower that day so I smell. I also see there is a lot of hair on my body.
    Then the mother of our family is there in Rome with me and my sister, who is some girl I don't know (I don't have a sister in real life). The guy I had sex with is with us. It is kind of a windy, rainy, sometimes rays-of-sun-poking-through-clouds kind of day. We are outside the Louvre Museum (which is not in Rome - duh) and we are waiting for something, some kind of cue. When the cue happens we are supposed to all run inside the museum and pretend we are being chased by a killer. There will be an actor playing the part of the killer inside. Weird.
    Then I'm back in my apartment by myself, looking at my collection of books. It's the same day. The covers of the paperbacks look like they are from the 1950's.

3/3/02:

    Lots of stuff and images were swirling around my head during this dream but this is the best I can remember of what I can remember:
    I am interacting with a lot of people that I don't seem to recognize in a town I'm not familiar with. I'm getting ready to go on another road trip. This one is going to be just two weeks and I'm just going to drive to one place and then back. I am very excited. I am leaving on my trip in a matter of days and am very excited - I keep telling everyone in the dream about it.
    At one point I am outside this building in the daytime and my parents and relatives are inside the building. It's sunny and windy. I am about to go in and am apprehensive about it. I think it's a church.
    Then I am back in the weird town talking to people about my upcoming trip. I am staying in this house that looks a lot like one my parents used to live in when I was in college. It is the night before the trip and I am sleeping in the upstairs bedroom. I say goodnight to this guy living in another upstairs room and go to sleep. I'm leaving the next morning for my trip. When I wake up the next morning (at 5am so it's still dark out and the room is dark) I see these dark stains on the tan, plush carpet in the center of the room. I have this major freak-out. I start putting my hands up to my head and walking, pacing around the dark room and avoiding the dark stain areas... I am debating in my head, and out loud in a whisper, if they are vomit stains that I somehow woke up in the middle of the night and made myself - like sleep-vomiting - or if they are dog doo that the dog in the house left. I am saying "Oh my God I have to turn the lights on and see for myself! If I can face this it is the most horrible terror of all and I will conquer a major fear!!" It's a very dramatic moment for some surreal reason and I don't know why I'm reacting like this. I never find out what they are.
    Then it is in the afternoon and I still haven't left for my trip. I am seeing this color advertisement on TV for some sunny resort in Seattle. The ad has this female model walking and rolling all over this miniature version of the resort - like she's Godzilla. She's smiling and laughing like it's so fun. It looks like they just super-imposed an image of her over an over-head shot of the resort. There are many rolling hills of shiny green grass around the resort which the giant model is slipping and sliding on in her high heeled shoes and laughing. At the end of the ad the giant woman stands on the resort and says "I love it here!"
    Then I am still wandering around the house. I realize I have not planned my trip well at all. Where am I going to go to? Do I have enough time? I realize I am totally unprepared and I was supposed to leave early this morning but didn't.

3/4/02:

No dreams.

3/5/02:

    I'm living on some big warf house on a giant dock that seems to double as a men's college dormitory but is also New York City for some reason. There is a boat docking area that I board a boat all the time which will take me to Puerto Rico and back whenever I want. My friend Kim from Dallas is visiting me here for some reason. It's like she's visiting NYC. When we are on the dock area some woman looks at her and calls her name. Kim walks right by the woman and doesn't see her. I tell her "That woman just recognized you!" and Kim is like "Huh?" For some reason she didn't see her.
    I show Kim around the building, the dorm house, and I take her upstairs to my room. It's like I'm showing her around NYC. Kim seems impressed that I travel back and forth to Puerto Rico. When we are in my dorm room, my roommate is this really fat computer nerd guy with long red hair and he is eating something.

3/6/02:

    It is around New Years' Eve time. I am living in this little south western town. It ia a very open and dusty town - probably somewhere in Nevada or maybe the deserts of California. Anyway, sometimes the little downtown area doubles as New York City. Even though it is New Years it is warm outside. There seems to be some situation where I am living in this large, multilevel warehouse with all of these people. There seem to be a lot of good looking guys there, like a lot of models or something. I learn later that it is a giant warehouse for storing gay porn stars. I actually had sex with some of the guys in the dream but I don't remember it now.
    There is one instance where I am on the stairs of the place (a huge, echo-y cavernous stairwell lit with blue and red lights) and I am watching people hang out and go up and down - the stairwell seems to be a kind of meeting place. It is night time outside. Anyway I see an old college friend Cathy hanging out there with some people. I am just hanging out there and I realize that tonight is New Years' Eve and I have nothing to do. I call Gregory on my cell phone, which is yellow for some reason, and ask him what he is doing. He is working so that is out. I just hang out watching people.
    Then it suddenly seems to be earlier the same day - it is New Years' Eve but it's daytime now. I am outside the warehouse building with Jim. There is dust blowing everywhere and it is sunny. Jim and I are kind of embracing and talking about what we are going to do that night. We kind of make loose plans to hook up at some point in town at one point. He goes off and I go back in the warehouse and I'm not sure if we will meet up later.
    Then it is night again (still New Years' Eve) and I am wandering around the town's downtown area - which is tiny but appears to be New York City for some reason. I am just wandering around. I have a bag with me like I'm homeless or squatting or something. I walk by this nightclub. I see my friend Jamie is working a the door. I go inside and just see a few people go inside. I go to the bar and ask the bartender something. I see that he is one of the porn stars I had sex with earlier, we don't acknowledge each other, he just answers my question. I see this group of guys at a table. They are looking at me and pointing at me and talking about me. I just walk past them. Boy I sound like a paranoid schizophrenic in this dream. Some kind of show begins on the stage and everyone is watching. Suddenly I go over to a table and there is Jim sitting alone! I run up to him and we are both thrilled and surprised to see each other. We make out for a while. We hang out for a while. Then Jim has to go.
    I don't remember midnight of New Years' Eve passing because it's suddenly the next day. I seem to be at this house and I am baby sitting these two young boys with a friend I don't know. The friend has long red hair. We are baby sitting the two boys and playing with them in the living room of the house while the parents sleep in the bedroom. The two little boys aren't wearing any shirts. At one point I am arm wrestling one of the boys on the floor. I remember feeling apprehensive that if the parents come out and see us rolling around on the floor with the two shirtless boys they will think we are molesting them.
    Then I seem to be in this large barbecue restaurant in the town. I am sitting at a table and there is a TV in front of me. I am watching some long commercial about a gigantic casino in town that has just switched to new management and this is an ad introducing that new owner. I look on the TV and the multi-million owner of the huge casino is Jim! He's in a leisure suit and is explaining to the camera about all the features in the casino and ordering the staff around. I am stupefied. I know for some reason that the way Jim became the owner of this place in just a matter of hours since I last saw him is some ironically complex and comical story, like he was in the right place at the right time in a funny way, like some kind of mistaken identity you would see in a comedy movie. Jim seems OK but he seems to be not 100% sure of what he is doing in the ad. Like it's all a lot to handle. I also sense that he can kind of mentally communicate with me through the TV.

3/7/02:

    All I remember is that I was in a vast room in a college building on a campus. I was in a classroom taking a test. You could see outside the vast windows - a beautiful Spring day. Everyone was at their desks writing quietly - you could hear the AC running. The professor - a woman - was behind her desk kind of quietly watching us. The professor was this therapist I used to see at Sloan Memorial Cancer Center when I was getting treatment for cancer, who's name I now forget.
    There was some girl, I think a student, standing in front of the professors desk in this frozen pose. She had her arm out and was laying her test paper on the desk, and she had her head bowed down and her long straight hair was covering her entire face. She was just frozen like this, paper in hand, motionless. The girl was dressed in a sweater, short skirt and black shoes with black knee-high socks - like a catholic school uniform. Sometimes the frozen pose girl looked asian and sometimes she looked caucasian with straight red hair - maybe dyed. Everyone was ignoring the frozen pose girl, including the professor, they would just walk around her and hand in their test papers when they were done and walk out, like this was normal. I got the impression that the frozen pose girl was doing this as some kind of punishment for something. I also got the impression that she was crying quietly from behind her hair.

3/8/02:

No dreams.

3/9/02:

    I think there was something involving my friend Shane and we were in some vast forest in the daytime, and the sun was shining through the trees. Shane was sitting on a rock at one point.
    Then I was in this strange town I didn't recognize. The vibe of the town reminded me of Venice, Ca. The main part of the town was this weird outdoor strip mall that was on this winding cobblestone street - like the kind of street you would see in a fairy tale. The stores that lined the street looked geared for tourists. It was a sunny day. All the stores looked like famous chain stores that had been sold and gutted yet still had the original design but were now a totally different place. Like a store that had the color scheme and look and design of a McDonalds had the signs taken down and the kitchen removed and the booths taken out and now sold yarn. It was a yarn store that looked like a McDonalds.
    One of the stores was this smoothie and salad restaurant that looked like a gutted McDonalds. The sign above the store said something like "We'll Maze From Bread" or something like that in this purple and green lit sign above the entrance. I went inside and saw the place was run by this hippy art girl and her friends. The place was barren and it looked like they did very little business. I got the impression that the place might have been a front for some radical performance art collective, or that maybe this restaurant was part of a collaborative performance art piece that I had unwittingly become a part of. I don't know why I got this impression. It looked like the food preparation machines were just kind of sitting in the back and the girls didn't know how to operate them 100%. Like it was all an act.
    I ordered something from the place and sat down with one of the girls at a a table. I was dipping this metal fork into a glass of water and then making little patterns on this napkin with it - with the four little wet spots you could make on the napkin with the wet fork. As I was talking to the girl I was telling her all these lies about my past to try and make her feel sorry for me. It was very weird. I don't know why I was doing this.
    One of the girls that worked there was a girl I recognized from her being on TV (in the dream only). I thought to myself "I guess the TV gig doesn't pay well enough so she has to work in this joint to support herself". Her job there was weird though. She worked in the drive through section of the place, but what she did is she sat in the back seat of a car that was permanently parked outside the pick-up window and she just sat back there and read a book. Every few minutes she would lean forward and loudly blare on the car's horn. She seemed really bored as she was doing this. I guess they did it to make people think the place had business?
    Then I'm back out on the street and everyone is talking about this new store opening up down the street. I look down and see an old, gutted blue and white International House of Pancakes restaurant that is now something else. Everyone is talking about it and walking in that direction.

3/10/02:

    I was elected to give a speech at some function by this woman I used to work for at this graphic design place while I was in college. Her name is Mary Nash. She called me by telephone to tell me I would be speaking at this gathering of people who love to hear lectures about exotic and unusual foods. The lecture will take place at some restaurant. I feel honored but totally confused as to why I am being offered this. Mary says I need to drop by another restaurant and pick up a piece of the food that I will be lecturing about. It is some kind of bizarre fruit.
    While this is all going on I seem to be living in this weird cabin-like house with my mother, brother and dad. The town we live in is in a kind of mountain-y area right next to a beautiful big lake. All the homes in the town look very similar and look like Frank Lloyd Wright rip-off designs. All the homes have two levels and have balconies on the inside and outside, lots of skeletal staircases and metal wires holding up walls - different planes jutting out all over the place inside and out. They all have a dark maroon and light beige (color of bare wood) color scheme. My parents are going away for the weekend and leaving me and my brother home alone, in which time I will be giving the lecture.
    I went with someone, maybe my brother, to this restaurant to pick up the piece of the weird fruit I will be lecturing on. At the restaurant (which looks just like our house and all the houses in the town except it has lots of tables and chairs  a large kitchen instead of home furniture), I pick up the fruit from one of the wait staff. It is this thing that looks like a bunch of frozen raspberries that have been packed into a large, clear plastic drinking cup. There is a stick sticking out of the frozen raspberries in the cup (just like a popsicle) and there are some dark green leaves, also frozen, in there with it. There is some green plastic disk that fits on it somewhere too. I pull the whole frozen thing out of the cup and it looks very delicate, like it could fall apart easily. It's very pretty, like frozen raspberries encased in sparkly frost. The individual squashed raspberries look barely connected by frost. I realize that it is not frozen at all, it's room temperature. This is just what the fruit looks like. The plastic drinking cup is it's "shell" and the popsicle stick sticking out of it is part of it too - it just grows that way. It's supposedly very rare and very delicious. Somehow I know that the fruit is called something that starts with the letter "k" and lots of other "k"s and "u"s in it, like "kukuyukuku" or "kukukukuku" or something like that.
    I leave the restaurant and decide to walk home. I am with someone, I think my brother but I'm not sure. We are walking from the restaurant to our house. On the way we see two guys walking around the edge of the lake in their underwear and going in and out of this lake-side store. I think the people keep kicking them out of the store because they are wearing only underwear. They seem a little drunk and one of them has a jam box. We also stop by this giant grocery store but never go inside. We seem to be outside near the automatic opening doors. By the doors are a bunch of hobos. They hang out there. We are kind of talking to them and we notice there are a lot of deformed dogs around them, like dogs who are missing one leg and stuff. One of the dogs follows me and my friend away from the store but goes back to the hobos when they call him. There seems to be something very sad about the dogs, what I don't know. but I get the sense that something bad is going to happen to each of the dogs.
    Then we are on a boardwalk and there is this big parade of teenagers walking along the boardwalk all partying and drinking beer and holding jam boxes and laughing and stuff. They are all in their underwear. It seems to be some kind of annual underwear parade or something. I see some people in the crowd are having sex with each other - it's getting pretty wild. My brother and I walk right through the middle of it. It's night time now.
    We are back at home now and it is the night before the day of my lecture. There is something about my mother calling on the phone from wherever they are and telling me about something I have to do for them at the house. I tell her "OK" and then go back to doing something with my brother. There is something that happens at the house, like some party happens at our house or something. During it I get the impression that my parents can't know about the food lecture I am giving. Plus I am getting worried because I have no idea what I'm going to say at the lecture. Why did Mary even call me to do it?
    The next day arrives and my parents are scheduled to be home at 7:30pm, my lecture is scheduled at 8:00pm. I am freaking out because I don't want my parents to know I am giving the lecture (for some weird reason) but I have to be here when they get home. Plus I think I have to use their car to go pick them up at the airport or whatever at 7:30 and then there is no way I can get to the lecture in time. I wonder if I should call Mary and tell her I can't do it. It's too late! Suddenly I look at the clock and realize it's 7:00pm! I imagine all the people (old ladies is what I imagine) gathering in the restaurant across town and sitting in their seats and reading the programs about the lecture I'm gonna give on the weird fruit and Mary being there telling everyone it's gonna be so great. But I also imagine my parent's plane about to land and I have to be there to pick them up. What a predicament! A ridiculous predicament but in my dream it seemed really important that I don't tell my folks about the lecture so it was pretty dire and I was panicked. Suddenly I realize I am in my underwear myself and for some reason I know I cannot put any more clothes on. My brother is looking at me and is like "What are you gonna do?" and I'm like "Shit I don't know!"
    I look at the clock and see it is now 8:10pm. Oh no! I missed picking up my parents AND the scheduled lecture time has started. How did that happen? I imagine Mary at the lecture restaurant apologizing to everyone and wondering where the hell I am and being all pissed. I should have called her even though it was the last minute. I imagine hopping in the car and racing to the lecture restaurant and just winging the lecture a half hour late, in my underwear, like "The kukukukuku is a very strange fruit. It looks like a frozen raspberry popsicle but it isn't! And there lies it's greatest mystery! and..." and just making stuff up as I go along like that since I had no idea what to say in the first place. I opt not to do it. I just lay on the carpet of our living room awaiting my parent's arrival. For some reason now I get the impression that I WASN'T supposed to pick them after all and they were coming home in their own car. Weird.
    My parents arrive home and walk in. The first thing my dad says is "Where's the car?" The car is right outside - strange. For some reason I start bragging to my mother that I have been asked to lecture about an exotic fruit, even though I thought I didn't want them to know about it. I'm saying "Yea mom! I was asked to lecture about this really interesting fruit! The lecture is next week... I don't know if it will be for 5 people or for 500!" My mom seems barely impressed and she's like "Good honey!" but is faking it. She seems preoccupied with unpacking. I am lying to them about the time of the lecture, telling them it is next week, but telling them about the lecture none-the-less, hoping they will be impressed even though the lecture is scheduled to happen right now and I am missing it because I was supposed to pick them up at the same time and didn't want them to know about it (but I'm bragging about it now?) even though it turns out I didn't need to pick them up and I COULD have gone to the lecture but then again I really DIDN'T want to go in the first place because I had no idea why I was asked to do it and know absolutely nothing about the fruit. Weird.
    I imagine this time next week pretending to go to the lecture on my own like "Well I'm off!" just to keep up with the lie. I also am expecting a call from Mary saying "Where were you?" I hope she doesn't call when my parents are home and they answer the phone and hear about it.
    There was also something in the dream about a fork. Also something about a clock that "decayed" as you used it, or as it told time, and I would see people I didn't know walking around the clock with looks on their faces like they just lost a game show - maybe the clock was part of some game.

3/11/02:

    I seem to be doing a lot of different things in this dream. The main "frame" of the dream seems to be that I am on the road traveling with some people. We are on some tour or something like that. In one part I was in a hotel room staying the night with an old childhood friend's mother, and when the friend's mother went into the bathroom to take a shower, the bathroom turned into this high school bathroom that was really crowded with guys lined up at the urinals pee-ing. The friend's mother did something in the bathroom to make this weird little creature appear that looked like a little human with a weird head and one arm and these weird little legs - it looked like a live version of some kind of little alien pest you were supposed to kill in a video game. The creature hides in our room and every once in a while it pops out and runs around the room and we're like "Catch it! Kill it!" Then we go to sleep and it's pouring rain and there are all these leaks in the room coming through the ceiling getting the carpet and stuff wet. We get up and try to stop the leaks.
    Then I go to some gay bar in town and it looks familiar but is in another town. It's kind of crowded. When I walk in I stand over by this column and these two guys walk up to me and say "Are yoooouuuu Mark Allen?" and I say yes and they go "Oh...mmmm. MmmmmHmmmm. Veeeery interesting!" and walk away. Then I'm alone near the dance floor and those two guys come up again and they have a third one with them and they stand beside me and then jump on top of each other like acrobats and form this insanely weird kind of body contortionist thing where they are all interlocked and the guy on top looks like he's riding a car, which the two guy's bodies below him are in the shape of, it's quite remarkable - like you would see it at a Circue de Solei performance. Anyway then as they are in this insane twisted position they start moving and undulating and the guy on top gets this very funny, seductive, one eye half closed, finger in mouth look on his face and stars kind of belly dancing in that position and the whole thing kind of moves in my direction with the guy on top's eyes locked on mine. I'm just staring in disbelief and when they kind of "walk" towards me and it gets near me I say to the guy on top "What do you call that?" and he takes his finger out of his mouth and whispers very loudly at me "It's called MY BODY!" except he says "body" like "b-o-o-o-o-o-d-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e..." and then he puts his finger back in his mouth and starts undulating again, still staring at me. It's very disturbing.
    Then I dreamed I was watching some CNN live broadcast (or maybe a recorded video of the broadcast) that everyone around me (there are people around me and we are all looking at a TV screen) are all like "Mark you gotta see this!" The broadcast is of two women sitting in chairs talking to each other in front of the camera, like a little press conference or talk show thing. The chairs are sitting in front of a yellow curtain and there is red carpet underneath them. There is blaring light like the kind of lights reporters and cameramen set up at press conferences. The two women are dressed in kind of formal business suit dresses like they wear in Washington D. C. They both have big, long hair that's kind of poofed up and long in the back. They are talking to each other and one is holding a glass of water and sipping it (the glass has the USA Presidential seal engraved in the glass - I can see it when the camera does a close-up), and she is crying. She is telling the other woman that she has cancer and is on chemotherapy at that very moment. She is weeping and reaching to the back of her hair and pulling out little chunks for and holding them up and saying "See? See!? My hair is fal-lal-lal-lal-lal-ling ou-ou-ou-out!" (she's gasping from crying). The camera does shakey  close-ups of the hair in her hand. She is pleading with the other woman for sympathy going "I feeel soooo siiiiiiiick! I feeeeellll soooo tooooooxic! Boo hoo!"" and the other woman is acting like reporters or talk show hosts do when they interview a sick or deformed person on their show, that over-done, condescending, show biz phony kind of sympathy. I get the impression, because the woman with chemo is so well dressed, that this was not to be the subject of the show at all, like these two women are political news commentators and were going to be doing a report on the election or something and the woman who's on chemo just couldn't take it anymore and broke down right there on live TV and the network just kept broadcasting it because it was compelling television.
    Soon the woman with chemo stands up and is weeping with her eyes closed and her hands are out like she's begging for something, she looks all soppy and really pathetic and she's crying really loudly for someone to help her and kind of bobbing up and down with each cry like a child does when they cry and have a tantrum and saying "Help me-e-e-e-e-e-e!" - it's quite a spectacle - and the other woman is trying to calm her down and saying "It's gonna be OK... ssshhhhhh!" and looking at the camera men like she doesn't really know what to do in this situation. Suddenly the chemo woman goes "Oh ...OH! OH! Urp! I'm gonna!" and the woman with chemo starts throwing up right there on TV. She's trying to catch the little chunks of puke in her Presidential seal glass as they come out of her mouth. The woman still sitting is like "Oh my God!" but just sits there doing nothing - I get the impression that she doesn't want to disrespect someone who has cancer so she just feels like she should kind of "let it happen" and the chemo woman is standing there and she has this trance like look on her face with her eyes wide open and her mouth open and wave after wave of creamy vomit comes pummeling out of her mouth and the camera keeps rolling and it's very awkward but totally compelling and you can even hear the camera and light people going "Oh wow!" and "Ugh!" and suddenly the chemo woman, with zombie look on face and vomit streaming out of mouth, kind of shuffles slowly over to the other woman who is sitting down and puts her mouth above the woman's head so soon the little waves of vomit start falling on the woman's hair in little chunks that get caught in all the parts of her perfectly coiffed hair. The woman just sits there like she doesn't know what to do. She just smiles and looks at the camera and every once in a while pushes the vomit off her face and looks at the camera again as wave after wave of creamy vomit comes pouring all over her out of the chemo woman's mouth. It lasts a long time with the two women just frozen in those positions. It's like some twisted two-human fountain from a nightmare freakshow. I again get the impression that she didn't want to interfere with the woman's vomiting on her, out of respect to someone who has cancer. It's one of the most socially awkward and fucked-up things I've ever seen. I guess that's why everyone was like "You've gotta see this!"

3/12/02:

No dreams.

3/13/02:

    There was something weird about someone in my dream that was kind of "watching over me" or something. They were doing really great things behind my back, stuff that I would notice days later and they would already be gone. I wake up in the morning and see that they have already typed this dream journal entry, a dream that I had early in the night and would have forgotten. As I notice this I see the person in this old beat-up car, kind of "flying" off into the southwest desert.

3/14/02:

note: I got a handful of emails yesterday asking if I had really woken up and found my dream journal entry already typed by some guardian angel ghost or something. They ranged from "it was me teleporting to your apartment" to "you are lying". I want to clarify that I DREAMED that I woke up and found my dream journal entry already entered by some kind of guardian angel. It was all within the dream.
    Alas though, no dreams last night.

3/15/02:

    I was living in some high-rise building that looked out over all of New York. It was a spectacular view. Although the skyline of New York looked nothing like it really did. I lived on the entire floor of the building with some family I don't know. The mother was this pretty blond woman who looked like she belonged on a 70's soap opera. Our apartment has glass walls from floor to high ceiling all the way around the floor so we have a total panoramic view of the place. It is night time. All over the city we can see there is some kind of celebration going on - with spotlights shining everywhere and fireworks and there is something that looks like a decorated boat going down the Hudson river. I get the impression it has to do with the September 11th attacks. We are all watching everything go on from the vast, glass-surrounded apartment. It's pretty spectacular.
    Then I am outside on the street and it is the next day and it is daylight. There is a lot of activity on the streets. I see a lot of filth and decaying things, like dirty homeless people and backed-up garbage and rotting animal carcasses. It's weird. I'm just running through it all really fast. Soon I stop at this church and I am stopped and reading this sign on it that has information about their services. Soon I hear this little voice behind me on the street. I turn and look at the voice and it is this little animal in the street. It is the size of a little dog but almost looks like a little deer. It is female and laying on it's side and it seems to have about three little babies attached to it - suckling it's tits. Some of the babies look dead and maybe rotting a little bit - with flies. The dead ones and the live ones are mixed together and it looks really unhealthy. It almost looks like the entire animal and the babies are kind of formed together like a deformity. The animal looks in a very bad way. It is obvious that the animal is immobile. The animal looks up at me with this look of a small child who is maybe a little scared but unsure of what it's feeling - and is maybe involved in a bad situation but is too young to realize it, also confused and needing help. I just kind of "know" all this in the dream. The animal looks at me and says "Excuse me sir? Can I see the twin towers rubble from here? I would really be excited to see the twin towers rubble. Everyone is talking about it." Then the little animal smiles in this very earnest, hopeful way and with this hopeful look that I am going to tell it to look in one certain direction from where it is laying and it will be able to see it. I quickly tell the animal that it is no where near the twin towers rubble, which is downtown. The animal looks at me disappointed but hopeful and maybe a little confused and says "Oh. Um sir? Do you know how I can get down there? I've never been away from this area?" The animal has people all around the street stepping over it and moving around it - it's just a matter of time before someone runs it over. It's obvious the animal cannot move. I tell the animal that it needs to take the 4,5 and 6 train downtown to the Wall Street stop. The animal looks at me and says "Oh" like it is totally confused by what I said and that it senses that I don't want to talk to it anymore. I can tell the animal was really interested in seeing the twin tower rubble.
    I walk quickly away from the animal and leave it there although I know it still needed help and information. I walk up this grand staircase that  is taking me to another part of the city. I literally put my hands to my face and burst into tears in the dream. I cannot believe I just witnessed something SO SAD. It really hit my empathy nerve right in the center. This poor animal - a female that was probably impregnated just because it's nature's way and instinct and it didn't know it was going to have babies from it - now has these babies and has to take care of them and it is weighing her down and making her very sick because something's not right - the animal will probably die soon because of it's weird and unfortunate situation which it did nothing to deserve. It just wants to see the twin towers rubble to see what all the celebration is around all around it but it has no idea how to get there and is doing the only thing it knows how to do in it's situation - start asking around about how to see the rubble. It's just doing the next step it knows how to do - asking where the rubble is. It will probably maybe start to try to get up and move once it truly finds out how far away the rubble is but I know it won't be able to - it's very sick because of the unhealthy baby situation. I curse at the universe for being so cruel as I'm crying and running up the stairs. I imagine running back and putting the animal in a box or wheelchair or something and then taking it on the subway downtown so it can see the twin towers rubble that it wants to see so bad. But I don't. The whole situation makes me feel so incredibly empathetic and sad.
    When I was just typing this dream journal entry I was literally on the verge of tears. I feel like going back to sleep so I can go find the hopeful, wounded animal and take it to the twin towers rubble in my dream. I don't know what made me dream it - it was like my body needed to feel this or something. It was a VERY powerful dream.

3/16/02:

    Very vague. There was something about ice caps melting and shining bright white in the sun in Antarctica. And something about Gwyneth Paltrow as her "The Royal Tenenbaums" character being there. That's all I remember.

3/17/02:

    I was kind of "experiencing" this really strange thing where I was witnessing this gray "mass" that was made up of something that looked like an overhead photograph of a giant oils spill - but in negative so it is gray and white. But I am looking at it from the side - and it is not a flat spill but a giant blob - huge in fact. That's the best way I can describe it.
    This "mass" seems to represent some kind of timeline of some sort that reads from left to right - somehow. There are two points in the timeline that kind of "break" and there is a little space in them. Inside each of these little breaks - just standing there - are two figures. One of the figures (standing in the first 'break' from left to right) is Harry Stephen Keeler, for some reason. He is standing in front of someone I can't recognize. I don't recognize the two people in the other "break".
    I get the impression that I may have been "looking" at this big thing inside an art gallery with white walls and hardwood floors. That's it.

3/18/02:

No dreams

3/19/02:

No dreams again... hmmm...

3/20/02:

    I'm eating crabs. Live ones. I am with someone I don't know in a place I don't know and I have a bunch of these live crabs in front of me. I am grabbing one by one and cracking them open and then eating the meat. Somehow when I crack them open they are cooked. They are grayish pink in color and look like a cross between crabs and large crawfish. The anatomy of the animals is weird - the mean is in unusual places, like in these two cones in one of the arm joints. When I break them open, it's meat kind of shrivels in the air, once it's out of the shell, and I think it might be tainted so I decide not to eat that one. The animals are all facing me as I grab them to eat them, not trying to run away or anything, like they expect it.
    Then I am looking at this strange situation. I am looking down this long hallway, although it seems to be a hallway or maybe some kind of large stage that has a huge wall constructed about ten feet in front of the back wall - so when you are between the back wall and the constructed wall it looks like a hallway. Anyway, it's all white and I think there may be a skylight above - now that I think about it, it kind of looked like a prison - maybe. There is this short asian woman in this weird harness thing that almost looks like a parachute - she is attached to the back wall by these restraints. She has this parachute like thing on her torso and has a long cord that has her tethered to the back wall, but the tether cord is just hanging there because she is restrained close against the wall for now (back to the wall). She is just standing there - looking nonplused at the whole situation, like it's normal. Suddenly this loud alarm sounds and she goes in this awkward, exploding, dead run away from the wall (the close restraints must have automatically detached with the alarm). She runs to the opposite wall and realizes it's blocking her and then runs to her right (where I am 'standing' watching her). Eventually the tether cord attached to her back will stop her and pull her back to the wall but I don't think she knows that somehow. I feel like she looks like a hamster in an experiment cage. I feel like people are hidden somewhere watching her do this. I feel like I'm observing some twisted, asian underground torture video or something. It's weird and creepy.

3/20/02:

    Very creepy. I dreamed I was raped by some guy and we both had our clothes on the whole time. I was living in some weird town I didn't recognize. It was always night time in the town and I seemed to hang around this girl I don't know all the time. I was near this building that was very long, like it stretched on and on like a long railroad track, but it was a structure. It is night and there is wind and thunder and lightening but no rain. I am with the girl and we are just kind of hanging around I think. At one point I think we are in the building and it looks like a vast lobby at JFK International Airport. Then we are outside again walking along the building. Suddenly there is this guy there who is kind of short and has bleached blond short hair and a crazy look on his face. He has dark circles around his eyes. He looks a lot like Rex of rexsworld.com. In fact I think it may BE him. Anyway, he somehow tackles me to the ground and he is raping me but we both still have our clothes on - very weird. He is shorter than me and skinny but for some reason he is able to overpower me. He is laughing maniacally as he does it and he keeps laughing and saying "Hahahaha! Now I've given you AIDS!!" and the wind is raging and the thunder and lightening are going and my friend, the girl, is just standing there watching the whole thing like she doesn't know what to do. He keeps tackling me and then I'll eventually break free and then get up and he tackles me again and so on and so forth - we are kind of working our way along the edge of the building. We have our clothes on the whole time so it's kind of "pretend" rape - weird. Soon the building turns into my high school in Texas and the Ex rapist and my friend are just gone and it's night time and I'm on the campus looking around and everything is still and calm and peaceful and no one is around.

3/21/02:

    Very strange dream. I'm in my apartment alone. I have left an outgoing message on my phone answering machine that is a very clever joke - I don't know what it is but it's something that I think is very clever and I can't wait for someone to call me so I can hear their reaction to it. I somehow "know" that when someone does call, it will be he "end" of the dream I am having - like the dream is a comedy sketch and the phone message will be the big punch line. Suddenly, while I am washing dishes I "receive" this kind of telepathic message from my childhood friend Tim. Tim and I were very close as children, but I have not seen him in over a decade so it was kind of odd.
    I could see Tim on or near this ice skating ring at Prestonwood Mall in Dallas, Texas (a mall that is now closed) as he is sending the message - I think he has a small dog with him. Anyway... I get the impression that he has been trying to send me this message for over ten years - and it is just now reaching me (maybe why I see him by a demolished ice skating rink - because it's an old message from a time long in the past?) The weird thing is, the message he is sending me is actually the joke that I just thought of that I put on my outgoing message on my answering machine. But I thought of the joke earlier in the day and put it on the machine before he sent me the telepathic message. Did he cause me to think of it? Can he predict the future? I get the impression that what sent me telepathically/the joke on my machine - is very important and something I need to remember. Although I have no idea what it is. Just after the message has reached my brain and I'm all "Wow that was so weird and intense!" someone calls my machine and listens to my outgoing message and then they start laughing uncontrollably into the phone. They are like "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Mark that outgoing message is BRILLIANT!!! Hahahahaha!!!" I don't pick up the phone or laugh... I'm just sitting there all freaked out.

3/22/02:

    I am in communication with Bryan of ChaosInAustin.com. We both live in some area that may be Texas (not Austin) and we both live in separate homes. There is this weird thing going on where we both are working on some big project that involves turning a big piece of land into this beautiful, landscaped garden. It's like we both have these separate projects going on, on separate plots of land, and we have both been working on them for a long time. We keep in contact with each other via telephone and looking at each other on cam and maybe sometimes visiting each other.
    The strange thing is that I can never find my plot of land. I know that I have one, and I remember that I was actually the first of the two of us to purchase a large quantity of land and buy all this landscaping equipment and plants and stuff and draw up all of these plans to make this fantastic garden - but somewhere along the way I got totally distracted and I think my plot of land and all the plants and equipment are just sitting somewhere unattended - and now I don't know where that is. And now Bryan has copied my idea and is working very hard at making it happen. He just kind of got inspired to do one like mine when I told him about it. I watch him on cam taking a wheelbarrow around and planting all these trees and tying strands of Christmas lights on them and stuff. I come to visit him and walk around the grounds. It's crude but neat in a kind of folk art way. I can't believe I let my idea slip past me like that. Where the hell is my garden? I don't even know where it is!
    Meanwhile I live in this crazy, giant old house with these really strange people that I don't know, a man and a woman. The house looks like it could be a castle, all the walls are made of gray stones. The place is literally falling apart - and so are the people living in it. The people that live there are very dramatic and are always fighting with each other - very dysfunctional, they seem like crack heads or junkies. I am always getting trapped in the middle of their petty arguments and having to clean up their messes. I hate them and I hate living there.
    There is something that happens in the bathroom where the woman that lives there is terrified that the bathtub is going to collapse if she fills it with water - she's scared it's gonna collapse and fall through the floor into the room below. She is freaking out and being a real drama queen about it. I calm her down and tell her that I called the bathtub manufacturing company on the telephone and they told me that it would be fine to fill up the bathtub. I never called and am just lying to calm her down. She is sobbing hysterical and she gets in the tub. As she does I see all these cracks in the outer part of the white porcelain tub - like it had broken apart at one point and had been glued back together. As I am looking at the cracks I can kind of "see" through the surface of the tub - like Superman's x-ray vision - and I see there is a led shell that makes up the tub and the porcelain is just on the outside of the lead shell - so it will be fine. As I am seeing this and getting this information, I am talking to the woman like a zombie and saying slowly "There... is... a... lead... inner... shell... so... everything... is... going... to... be... O... K... " and she's like "Oh-sniff -oh- sob- o-kay- cry..."
    And then I go to my bedroom in the house and go to sleep. My room is filled with junk and old photo albums and stuff. In my room there is also an overhead surveillance camera on me that Bryan can watch me through, which he does. I seem to have access to a camera that is mounted in his garden that I can watch him through, which I do - we communicate this way. I take a long nap in my room.
   When I wake up I find the two strange people in the room asleep on the floor. I am really quiet because I don't want to wake them up. Bryan "calls" me through his cam and I answer. He asks me how I'm doing and I tell him I'm fine. I start to talk about his garden and I get really self conscious because I realize I haven't even mentioned to him the status of my garden project and I'm kind of embarrassed. As he is talking to me I can kind of "see" what he is seeing on his cam into my room. I see that he sees this slow overhead pan of the messy bedroom and the two junkies asleep on the floor and the junk all over the room. I see old scrapbooks and photo albums all over the room and on my bed. I grab one of the photo albums and hold it up to the camera and am like "I'm working on this photo album! Isn't it cool!" and it's not even mine and I feel totally pathetic. I am also kind of watching him on his cam and he is finishing up his garden. It doesn't look that great but it's certainly nice. It looks like all the plants are freshly planted and need time to grow. The evening sun is casting long shadows over his garden, which I can see on my cam.
    Then I get up and go downstairs. Downstairs looks like my grandparent's old house. My mother and brother are both there. There is some little kid - almost like a baby (but that can walk and kind of talk) - that we seem to be taking care of. My mother and brother never seem to be around - I always see them just kind of wandering from room to room. So I am spending most of the time with the baby kid, kind of baby-sitting him. We also have two of these little puppies, one black and one white. There is some scenario where the white puppy is under my grandparent's piano and he is growling and snapping at the little kid because he is not used to him (I guess the white puppy is newer than the black one). I am trying to calm the kid down (who is crying because of this) and also the puppy at the same time. I am telling the kid it is just a little dog and don't be scared because it just isn't used to him and also trying to get the kid to stop crying, and I'm also petting the dog and trying to stop it from growling and snapping. Why aren't my mom and brother helping me?

3/23/02:

    I'm in some weird town I don't know with people I don't know. It is the daytime and we are driving around. We are going shopping at different stores in this area that looks like Venice, California. We stop in at this store, Bill's Records, which is a store I worked at for a long time in Dallas, Texas - but for some reason it's in the town in this dream. I say "Hi!" to Bill and talk with him, he's happy to see me. I remember my friends are looking at cardboard stand-up promotion things for records - like a life size cardboard cut out of Tina Turner or Huey Lewis whatever - all 80's rock stars. I remember I was fixing my hair in a mirror outside the store before I went in to see Bill.
    Then suddenly we are on what looks like this weird hybrid version of Avenue A in Manhattan, it is an overcast, warm day. We are investigating this weird location of what used to be this store owned by Lydia Lunch. It is in this strange location on Avenue A and is long gone - it's all boarded up. As we are looking at it, I kind of "see" Lydia Lunch walking down Avenue A 20 years ago talking to some landlord about how she wants to "...but a little place to sell a few things." She is wearing all black and looks right out of that early 80's New York Scene. She's wearing sunglasses and has a chiffon scarf around her neck that is blowing in the wind as she walks. I feel like I'm witnessing the moment 20 years ago when she bought the space for the store.
    Then we are all at this fantastic home of some really rich couple. I think we may be back in California. The couple is letting all of us stay there that night before we go back on the road shopping or whatever. Their home has all these areas that have natural rock formations jutting into the rooms from outside. Like the side of the hill it's built on kind of mixes in with the house. It looks like one of those homes on lower Mullholland Drive in Los Angeles. I go into the bathroom to take a shower while everyone talks in the living room. In the shower (which is huge and looks like a cave because of all the rock formations) I am sitting down, nude, and letting the water run over me and I am washing these thick slices of cooked beef, like slices you would make a BBQ sandwich with. I'm using shampoo to wash them and the shampoo smells really nice.

3/24/02:

    There was something where me and this guy I know Aaron are having sex in my mom's room, and she needs to go to sleep so she asks us to go into my room, which we do. Then I realize the house is a hybrid of a childhood home I had in Texas and Dave Doorknob's childhood home.
    Then I am in this grocery store that looks like a hybrid of a store and this classroom I had art class in the 9th grade. There are shelves in the vast store/classroom lined with products. I and a group of other people are getting a lecture from this woman about the products. One of the products is a big can with a red and white label and the label says "Cow Guts". The woman has chosen this can at random as an example of something and she is kind of laughing that she happened to choose such an odd and gross product as an example. She says "This is the entire guts of one cow." and then she looks down at the can and says "Well... I guess not an entire cow... the can is to small. It's a... a... " and she's struggling to find a word to say what she means and I look at her and say "It's a portion." and she she says "Yes! That's the word I was looking for! A portion of one cow's guts." Then I leave the group and go sit at my desk.
    Then I am kind of looking at this picture. It is of an asian woman standing in a room holding a vacuum cleaner. She is smiling. The vacuum cleaner is made entirely of flesh colored semi translucent plastic. The woman looks like she is modeling the vacuum as an example for the photograph. She is wearing an apron - like a housecleaning outfit. I look closer at the photo and realize that the vacuum is actually an extension of her body - some monstrous deformity. She's some bizarre freak. I look back at her face in the photo and see that the look on her face has changed somehow - it looks sad and resigned now. Like the looks on siamese twins or deformed people's faces in antique photographs of freaks from the 1920's. In those old time black and white freakshow photos they always have that haunted, sad look on their face as they are standing there posing and being exploited for their deformity, but you know it's probably the best job they can get. The asian woman's face has changed somehow and now she has this look.

3/25/02:

    I'm in some situation where me and my family (which is made up of people I don't know) are staying at some rustic little villa that is on the way along some nature hike that we are all taking. It's a nature hike that takes a couple of days, over really rough terrain. The villa we are in looks like a rustic home you would see in Greece or maybe the French countryside - all white stucco walls and uneven floors and stuff. The yard has beautiful olive trees all in it.
    In the dream, my mother, at one point, seems to be Patricia Routledge - the actress who plays Hyacinth Bucket on that british comedy "Keeping Up Appearances". There is some scenario where she is in the living room of the villa entertaining some old man that I think dropped by to visit us. The old man is really old and has trouble hearing and speaking - which leads to hilarious comic situations - like in a comedy. As she is talking with with the old man, some pretty girl (blond, dressed in a tie-dye wrap skirt and very tan), who I guess is one of my sisters in the dream, comes out of a crude indoor outhouse bathroom in the corner of the room (which seems to be just a cylindrical tent construction made of black wire with a sheet around it) and walks out of the room, she seemed to be just using the bathroom and my mom/Hyacinth says "Ohhh... thanks for the splash dear!" and gets up off the couch and goes and closes the little sheet on the outhouse tent and then sits back down on the couch and talks to the feeble old man. As she says this I hear a laugh track in the dream just like a sitcom.
    Then I can kind of observe me and this girl, who I guess is another sister in the dream, deciding to leave the little house and go hiking to find the "Great White Dunes" desert area that we know is nearby somewhere. We have backpacks and we just kind of set out hiking in one direction. I keep seem to be switching back and forth between scenarios in the hose, then us hiking, then back - like a TV show would do. When I am looking at me and the girl hiking, sometimes the girl is just some random brunette girl, and sometimes she is "played" by the actress Sandra Bullock. Also sometimes the guy that is supposed to be me is me, and sometimes it's just some random guy.
    I observe that we seem to be getting tired of hiking so much looking for the white dunes. We can't seem to find them. Just as we reach this one kind of plateau where we thought they would be, and they aren't there, the girl sits down on the ground in a huff and is like "I can't believe you dragged me all the way out here! We are never gonna find the dunes! I don't even think they exist!" Just then I see me look forward all defeated and then I turn around and get this look on my face like "Whoa." and I say "Turn around!" to the girl. She does, and as she looks my "dream camera eye" kind of turns with her and I see the vast dunes of the white desert. The girl is like "Woo-hoo!" and she charges off running into the dunes and I follow.

3/26/02:

No dreams.

3/27/02:

    I did not have good dreams. I think they were nightmare-ish. But I can't seem to remember them. I remember waking up with this feeling of subtle dread that subsided when I realized where I was and that I was awak from a dream. I also remember hearing this disturbing low "hum" coming frat was causing me discomfort - at least I thought it was. It was bothering me and it really stood out. I turned off my alarm and listened for it and I couldn't hear it (but I DID think I could hear it while the alarm was going off). I turned the alarm back on to see if I could hear the low "hum" but it wasn't there. Did I dream the "hum"?

3/28/02:

     I vaguely remember something about someone in a raincoat, with their back to me, in a room with lots of glass walls - like a high school science lab classroom or something. There seemed to be some kind of "scoring" or "grading" thing going on. Like me and the people around me were receiving scores for something we were doing. That's all I remember.

3/29/02:

    There is this scenario where I am at some straight, Hawaian-themed bar on 2nd Avenue with a group of people that includes Gregory and some other people. There is some guy that is there that is very cute that I like a lot. There is a girl in my group that says I should chat the cute guy up but I'm too shy for some reason. Soon we all leave the bar and are walking up 2nd Avenue - it's night time. The girl tells me that the cute guy was really interested with me and that she gave him my phone number. Suddenly - a scenario shift - I am on the phone at some other location - like maybe a phone booth or an apartment - and I am talking to the guy. He is saying "I will call you in a few days and tell you a place we can meet and talk."
    Then I'm suddenly back on the street walking with my friends. Gregory has disappeared. We all walk into this really large sushi restaurant on 4th street between 1st and 2nd. All the furniture is white and the walls are yellow and have orange lights shining on them. The place is very spacious and dimly lit. There are candles everywhere. We all sit at this large booth. Sitting at the booth already is Nick Scotti. I'm thinking as I am sitting down "Wow! It's Nick Scotti!" We are all talking and eating and I am spending a lot of time talking to Nick, as he is sitting right across from me. We really hit it off. I see Diane Brill running around in the background of the restaurant as Nick and I are talking. Suddenly Nick has to leave. He looks at me and says "Oh Mark, remember that guy you just met at the bar on 2nd Avenue? The one who you talked on the phone with earlier and he said he would call you in a few days with a place to meet? Well he wanted me to give you this." Nick hands me this little white cardboard box - like you would get at a jewelry store. I open the box and look in it. Inside are three weird little miniature red roses - except they are not in full bloom - they are like clippings of buds that were about to bloom - plus they look miniature in size, like bonsai tree size. They are kind of rattling around the little box - which is too big for them even though the box is small too. At the bottom of the box is a little folded up piece of paper. I take out the piece of paper and look at it. It is a note from Nick and it says "I'll be hanging out for the next hour at the _______ bar {can't remember name in dream} down the street if you'd like to join me. Nick." I think "Wow! Nick wants to hang out with me!" The bar Nick wants me to meet him in is the Hawaian-themed bar we were in earlier where I met the cute guy. Nick waves goodbye and leaves the sushi restaurant. Then the girl with me says that Nick is straight, or at least pretends to be, and it's weird that he would want to meet me like that. Suddenly I realize that the guy in the bar, and Nick, are all kind of intertwined in a weird way.
    I imagine myself standing on the street in front of the Hawaian-themed bar and deciding whether or not to go inside and talk to Nick. I suddenly "see" Nick sitting at the bar by himself inside, and I kind of "hear" Gregory telling me in my head that Nick pretends to be straight so that's why he wants me to meet him at this straight bar.

3/30/02:

    I am gathering with some people in this big fake looking city - it looks like the buildings are made of cardboard. We are all gathering inside this big arena, which is fake on the outside but very real on the inside. We are getting ready for some performance that is going to happen there. It is a small arena - almost like a college lecture hall. The inside of the arena has this giant, wide, grand staircase that leads from the rows of glass doors at the entrance, up to the top of the egde of the seating of the areana. There are about 20 of us and we are setting up props and stuff for some interactive show that is going to take place in the arena at a later date. The leader of our group is that actress Jeri Ryan from the TV show "Boston Public". Everyone just kind of does what she says. I also see that club promoters John Blair and Bato Sutter are in our group. We are getting giant cardboard trees and smoke machines and things into place. At one point we are all sitting in the seats and listening to Jeri talk to us about the show tomorrow. I look over and see John and Beto sucking on cherry blow pops. At another point we have to look up at the domed ceiling and see this practice run of a "trick" involving this guy in a parachute who will be shot out of some kind of cannon and then he will carry these letters made out of smoke, that form a sentence we can read (the letters are facing down as he goes up) as he is blasted slowly to the top of the ceiling. We watch the man silently and in slow motion rise out of the cannon and hold the letters, which are helvetica, and rise up to the very high ceiling. It's pretty amazing - he just rises and rising like there is no ceiling and he's going up into the gray sky and disappearing. Weird. I can't remember what the sentence said but it may have had my name in it. I am not surprised by my name being in it at all. It is at this point that I learn that the show is going to be some kind of tribute to New York club personalities from the 90's and I am one of the people featured, or paid tribute to, in the show. This makes me very depressed and unwilling to help with the show. I get really childish and unco-operative. At one point the tech guys are installing this giant, rotating sphere with people's names made out of cursive letter-shaped foam core board going around the equator of the sphere - spelling out people's names. Kind of like one of those spinning globes at the beginning of old black and white R.K.O. Picture movies - like with a fake airplane attached to it. I think I see Mona Foot's name on it too. They are attaching it to the top of the outside of the building with spotlights on it - I can kind of "see" this from inside the building. As soon as I see this I'm like "I'm outta here!" and I leave in a huff.
    I go back "home" - wherever that is. I wander the fake city (still night time) and find this office building that I live in for some reason. I go to one of the floors of the office building, which has dark beige industrial carpeting and white drywall in the hallways. I talk to some young teenage guy there who tells me that I will be staying in one of the offices at night while it is not being used. I go into the office. The furniture in the office has been kind of all bunched together on one side of the room and tied together with what looks like bungie cords and torn white sheets. Some of the furniture is on it's side and upside down - all tied together in this big mass, some on top of others. It's like art. I look at it and then walk to the other side of the room and turn on this little black and white TV and watch it while sitting on the floor. There is a little refrigerator next to it and I keep taking stuff out of it and eating it. Something I am eating has dark syrup all over it, and at one point I spill a bunch of the syrup onto the beige carpet. I decide I'd better clean it up so I wander into the hallway and find the bathroom. I see business people wandering around, tall men in dark blue suits and greasy black hair and short women with Dorthy Hammil haircuts in beige colored business suits and knee-high white socks with clunky orthopedic shoes and carrying briefcases. They are always wandering around in pairs and talking about stuff I can overhear like "Oh did you see what so-and-so was wearing at today's meeting! I know what catalogue she ordered that outfit out of! Oh I know can you believe it!" and stuff like that. I can see through the windows in the hall that it is now day time.
    I wander into the bathroom and inside it's all bright white tile and fluorescent lights and sinks and big mirrors and gray aluminum stalls and white urinals. I walk over to the sink to get a paper towel and dab it with water. I see the teenage guy who told me about what office I would be staying in. I am talking to him and as I do there is this weird dual scenario shift going on where I am crouching on the floor of the bathroom and am videotaping this overweight, smiling girl with long black hair (dressed in a white jumpsuit) who is sitting in the corner. She is almost covered entirely in white shaving cream and there are spots of deep red colored caro syrup mixed in parts of the shaving cream. She is laughing and posing for me. It seems to be some kind of art project we are working on. As this is occurring I am still talking to the guy. It's like videotaping the girl was happening at another time - in the future or past, in this same location - and I am kind of experiencing both at the same time. Almost like two super-imposed moving images.
    The teenage guy tells me some old guy is going to be staying in the office right next to mine at night. I say "OK" and leave the bathroom.
    When I get back to my office I see that it has changed a lot. It is now night time again. I see that my dad is the person living in the office next to mine. He is always arranging and re-arranging the furniture in his office, and sometimes coming into mine to borrow chairs or something. I think he is getting stuff just right because he wants to go to sleep because he has to get up early the next morning to fly off for some big meeting or whatever. I get the sense that my mom is sleeping in one of the other offices in the hall too, but I never see her. At one point my dad has arranged my room in a completely different way. The carpet has changed from beige to deep red. There is more furniture, like a bed made of puffy black leather - like a big couch - and these pictures on the walls. I see he has moved all his sleeping stuff into my room - which means he'll be sleeping in my room. He has put all my stuff in a room adjacent to this one - separated by a big open doorway. He has all his clothes laid out for the next day on his bed. There are lots of pairs of white socks. I'm really unhappy that I'm basically going to have to sleep in the same room with my dad. I leave the room and wander into this utility closet, which has a frosted glass window that I can see it's suddenly day light outside again.
    Inside the utility closet is this really cute young guy who works in the building. He is wearing jeans and a button down light blue shirt. He is talking to me and as he does, he kind of hints that if I give him a blow job he can get me my own room. As I am still talking to him I imaging sucking his dick and thinking about all his organs, like the large intestine full of shit and everything, right in front of my face behind the skin on his belly, and it really grosses me out. He keeps talking to me trying to get me to do it, and he's rubbing his crotch and he's REALLY cute, but I say "No way." and walk out.
    Then I go back to the arena and it appears to be time for the show to go on. It is night time again. Jeri is there telling us what to do and stuff and everyone is running around getting everything ready, everyone's rushing because the show is that night. Suddenly - there seems to be this situation where some crazy murderer has locked us inside the arena and is going to hunt us all down and kill us with a giant sickle. I am at the top of the large entrance stairs that lead from the front entrance to the edge of the top seating of the arena. I look down the stairs and see the murderer lock the big glass doors and then turn around and start up the stairs towards me and some other people standing there. There is this plastic tube/tunnel passage way that he gets into that kind of goes up along the stairs about one foot above the stairs. He is coming up inside the plastic tunnel towards us but we can't see him entirely because the plastic that makes up the tube is semi translucent and it's going to take him a long time because it's this grand, wide, long staircase you would see at an opera house or something. We all turn around and I am really scared and we turn around and run into the seating area and look down and tell the people setting stuff up on the stage "There's a killer in the building! He's gonna kill us all! He's locked us in!" Just then I see Jeri get out her cell phone and make a frantic call. I'm really scared and me and everyone else start darting around the vast seating area, every which way - trying to get away from the killer. I can hear the killer getting people and them screaming as he slices them up with his giant sickle. I am running all over the place and don't know what to do. There seems to be other plastic tube tunnel things built (by us as part of the show?) that go over the seats in some areas, criss-crossing and stuff - like a giant tube tunnel maze. Everyone, including the killer, is using the tunnels to run around. It's total chaos. Everyone is running around inside the tunnels. It's like a habit trail for human hamsters in hell. I am scared but for some reason I "know" that this is supposed to happen and is really fake - like a show, or a horror movie. It's like I'm fake scared.

3/31/02:

No dreams.