Archive for September, 2010

If James O’Keefe had tried to seduce me on a boat, he’d have had in the bag. Ohh, James! I have low standards & I’ve written for the NYTimes! OMG, call me!

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I’ve been in the country too long. The “becoming one with nature” moment happened a long, long time ago. By this point it’s 4am, Mother Nature’s switched off the music & turned on the lights, everyone looks less-pretty, and a few people are talking about going to the Bijou.


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I love scanning the background crowd in the Ann Coulter/Michael Lucas GOProud video event for people I might know. So far: 0.


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Sending frigid stares, cold shoulders & chilly NYC attitude to my LA friends.

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Heard C’villeR1 was the bull-riding equivilant of JG Ballard’s CRASH. Wishing riders safe recovery! Charged for R2 tonite. #PBR

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Kissin’ cousins!

Download now or watch on posterous

IMG_2182.MOV (390 KB)

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Mark & Jim hiking Sleepy Hollow Trail, North-South Mountain pass, Palenville, NY, 9/25/10

Kissin' Cousins!

Click here for full gallery.

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Saturday Night Live stole my “Jim & I are having our gay wedding at the Ground Zero Mosque & you’re all invited” joke!

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The adjective “power” in “power bottom” is a far-too-nice euphemism. All bottoms are basically Dostoyevsky’s Underground Man, peering out at the world from between their own ass cheeks, instead of a wooden floor.

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Remote meadow campfire w/Mark, Jim & Michael, Catskill mtns, Oak Hill, NY, 9/22, 1:30AM (incidental ukulele: Jim Krewson)

Download now or watch on posterous

IMG_2057.MOV (4304 KB)

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At an auction in Oak Hill, New York. WHO WANTS GUNS?!?!

Download now or watch on posterous

IMG_1579.MOV (2428 KB)

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On 7SD @UCB Theater, 8/25/10 (photo: Jeff Moore)

Mark Allen on 7 Second Delay @ UCB Theater, 8/25/10 (photo: Jeff Moore)

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Beyond kick-ass. Cindy & Bert doing “Her Hund Von Baskerville” on German TV, 1969 (via Brian Turner)


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Pro Bull Riding is on! #twitter #annoying #relentless #toomuch #rude

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Look what Jim brought back from Northampton: TOWN DUMP…the board game! “The one with the most trash wins.” Goodbye weekend!

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Sometimes when I lean forward on a table I imagine I have two enormous, heaving breasts slowly unfurling out of my shirt, exposing themselves to everyone, causing a scandal. Mmm…they feel so supple & firm. The air feels so cool on my skin. My nipples are getting hard! Ohhh! #achildsimagination #lsdflashbacks


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Apparently there was a tornado in NYC (Brooklyn) just now?!?! Wha?? Everybody okay? Did a house fall on anyone?

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Men, how to keep your hubby happy: every once in a while surprise him with a mountain of nachos

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Greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, chopped up baby parakeet, french-fried eyeballs rolling down a muddy street, fisheye stew, filleted worms, yum yum pig’s bum, scab-o-matic custard, green snot pie, baked dog’s giblets, dead cat’s eyes & a cup of sick to wash it down!

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YIPEE! (also: EEK!) Super-exciting “Pitch!” news today…the pressure’s back on baby! http://www.pitchshow.org

(pitchshow.org)

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I’m gonna throw on a wig, get in the SUV, drive down to our local high school and find myself a husband!!! #carpediem

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Pressure’s on! Hmm..outwitting this goal requires all my skill & cunning acquired from a lifetime watching Chrissy Snow & Kelly Bundy on TV!

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I should’ve had a V8.

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After a life addiction, I’m giving up coffee, cold turkey. Health? No, vanity (my skin). Hope I don’t shut down my liver despite my face.

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Tonight’s the last banjo, washboard, pickin’ & hollerin’ Appalachian Trail bonfire hootenanny of the summer. Should I stay or should I go?

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