Archive for January, 2012

At this point, the Florida GOP should forget about voting and just throw Gingrich in the river to see if he floats or not.

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Gingrich’s base won’t be happy till every immigrant is sailing back to their country of origin on a raft made of dead homosexuals #CNNdebate

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Gateway drugs are the new rock bottom. #demi #whip-its

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It’s official: the “It’s-time-for -everyone-to-stop-posting the “It’s-time-for-everyone-to-stop-posting the ‘It’s-time-for-everyone-to-stop-posting’-meme’-is-officially-over.”-meme-is-officially-over.”-meme is officially over. Starting now!

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I drove Jim’s car to CT today… Siri got jealous and started a cat fight with his GPS. Don’t make me pull this car over ladies! iDrama…

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I can’t believe Gingrich won Sundance!

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Romney points out Gingrich was mentioned only once in Reagan’s diaries. Ouch! Worst burn since Viva claimed she’s mentioned more than Ultra in Warhol’s. #cnndebate #twitter

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Shane Carruth films underwater scene at Dallas-area swimming pool for upcoming film…

I’m obsessed already! As covered in The Colony Courier Leader, the elusive Shane Carruth (director of Primer) was at a Colony, Texas indoor swimming pool last week shooting a brief underwater scene for his film Upstream Color. Carruth’s follow-up to Primer was initially to be the ambitious A Topiary, then later it was reported this low-budget, peculiar-sounding drama would precede that. The film is currently in pre-production in the Dallas area, reportedly using local actors.

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Hate-tweeting Tim Tebow fans during last night’s Patriots vs. Broncos game…

(via my twitter feed, bold ‘RT’ are their original tweets, preceding non-bold text is my response)

— YEAH!!! I’m yanking’ it too dude! RT @XXxxxx Pulling for #tebow tonight!!!.

— Also: #Obesity #Diabetes #Illiteracy #Drooling #Foxnews RT @xxxxXx #Tebow Generates More Social Media Mentions Than #Rodgers, #Brees, #Eli & #Brady.

— Children scream in terror… fans drown themselves in Reddi-Whip… Bibles angrily thrown into arena dumpsters… RT @xxxxx #Tebow goes down and loses the ball...

— That it measures 3.16″? RT @XxxxXxxxxx A quiet #Tebow story you haven’t heard...

—  You left out “…and a fan base of mouth-breathing pig-people” RT @xxxxxxxxx Verse 3:16 (Football, a Bible Verse and a Quarterback Named Tim) Well done good and faithful #Tebow.

@XxxxXxxxxx @_MarkAllen You censored the link out of my tweet liberal liar scum.

— He’s like Siegfried & Roy combined! RT @xxxxxxxxxx Watchin #tebow work his magic.

@XxxxXxxxxx @_MarkAllen You are a hateful person.

— What a surprise! RT @xxxxx Chocolate cake and #Tebow, two of my favorite things!!.

—  Is that # your weight? RT @XxxxxXxxxx btw - make no mistake - I am all #Tebow tonight #316!.

@Xxxxx_xxx @_MarkAllen No one cares about you! Shut up!.

— Hot! RT @XxxxxXxxxx Come on Tebow! I believe! #Tebow.

— Missionary-style! RT @Xxxxxxxx That Focus on the Family ad just NAILED IT!!! #John3:16 #TEBOW.

— Yes! Soon players will guzzle the blood of slaughtered homosexuals on live TV! RT @XxxxXxxxxXX Stoked to see that Focus on the Family invested in this game. Praise the awesome power of #Tebow.

— …with their Special Ed vouchers and lithium tablets. RT @XxxxxXXXX Feel bad for those of y’all that bet on #Tebow.

— In a sugar coma with an entire calzone stuck in their jaws RT @XxxXxxxxXxxx I think the people praying with #Tebow have fallen asleep on the sofa.

— Westboro Baptist God Hates Fags commercials are right around the corner!!!!!!!!! RT @XxxxxXxxxxx The Focus on the Family John 3:16 commercial was awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

@XXXxxxx @_MarkAllen How many people know who Tebow is? millions. how many know @_MarkAllen? 0. shut up loser.

— …or making “sick in the head” the most searched thing RT @XXXXxxxxxx You are sick in the head if you can’t respect Tebow making “John 3:16″ the most searched thing on Google tonite.

— Sizes start at 3XXXLL-Wide! RT @XXxxxXxxx If there was ever a time to buy a TEBOW 3:16 T-Shirt, it’s right now. Get yours at!.

— I’m sure you meant 150 plus-”sized” salvations RT @xxxxxxx Tebow’s 316 yards leads to John 3:16 Google searches — and 150-plus salvations.

— Praying for math is like Satan’s calculator! RT @xxxxxxxxxx If Tebow can *just* throw 0-6 in the second half, he’ll finish 3-16. Pray.

— What’s the diff… oh, you said “morMon!” RT @xxxxxxxx Nice to see a John 3:16 commercial instead of an “I am a Mormon” commercial. #tebow.

— Tebow fans counting down in helpings of Sara Lee and inhalants RT @XXXxxxXX Tebow is close to “3-16″ mark again..only 4 more incompletions.

@xxxxxxXX @_MarkAllen Just reported you to Twitter. Heh heh. Not so funny now. #you #gone# bye bye loser.

— Not creepy at all RT @xxxxxxx i now envoke the power of 3:16!!! #tebow.

@XxxxXxxxxx @_MarkAllen really dude? Is there that much hate in there bc of 1 guy standing for what he believes in? I’ll be prayin for you too...

— Other signs of an aneurysm: drooling, bells palsy, staring… RT @xxxxxxXXX 4 more incompletions and tebow will be 3/16… Is that a sign too?.

— With our unmanageable drool! RT @XxxxxXXx Hey friends… let’s flood CBS with Thank You notes for airing the John 3:16 commercial! #tebow.

— OMGPUTDOWNTHEGUN!!! RT @XXxxxxXX Is he 3-16 right now!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? #tebow.

— Locusts or crickets? RT @xxxxxxx At 3:16 left in the game, Tebow will point towards the heavens and it’s on.

— Ads for Dunkin Donuts certainly didn’t seem to offend you RT @xxxxxxx I saw ads for alcohol, erectile dysfunction and violent movies, and people offended by John 3:16! Unbelievable.

— First the snoring has to stop… RT @XX_XxxxXx A John 3:16 ad: I wonder when the screaming from the Left will start?? #tebow.

@XX_XxxxXx @_MarkAllen Wasn’t talking about game. You edited out the video clip which was what I was referring to. Did you see it??.

— @XX_XxxxXx I censored it.

@XX_XxxxXx @_MarkAllen Read your timeline. You basically made my point about the ad. Mock all you want. No one cares.

— Just like Intelligent Design! RT @XxxxXxxxxxX If you switch around tebows passing yards (136) it will make a 3:16.

@XxxXxxxxxx @_MarkAllen See you in November.

— Tears of pure mayonnaise? RT @XxxXxxxx_XXxx Tebow 3:16 says I’m going to go cry.

— Because I can’t reach the remote with this straight-jacket on… RT @xxxxxxx Please play the John 3:16 commercial again. I need cheering up. #tebow.

—  Would it be inappropriate at this point to admit I had a fantasy last night about Tim involving rope, a lazy susan, and a fun-size bag of Tootsie Pops?.

@XX_XxxxXx I am praying for you @_MarkAllen .

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Don’t you think Madonna seems antidisestablishmentarianistic? Look it up!

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Will Arto Lindsay and Ikue Mori be making tweet-jokes about Madonna since her new LP is going to be called “MDNA?”

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I think I Tebowed too fast and became Trans.

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The excellent Brian Mills and Mike Diamond asked me a million questions for the super-fun Did you know I had a nose job when I was five? They dig deep!


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LIVE: A Report on our November 30th PITCH! (now with VIDEO!), with Weston Bingham and Richard Welch of, Cole Escola, Kyle Kupres, Tommy Vallette, Charlie Gaeta, Sam Benjamin, Colby Keller, and hosts Greg Walloch and Mark Allen (and Karl Jones!), at Dixon Place, NYC!

Author Sam Benjamin explains his “Top Ten Porn Movie Soundtracks of All Time”, Pitch!

We were excited to welcome Weston Bingham and Richard Welch — co-editors/creators of the gorgeous, and rather exclusive, avant-gay art blog — to Pitch! They made quite an impression, proving to be witty, razor-sharp and enthused (did we mention Weston had quite literally arrived off a plane from Russia to the show? добро пожаловать Weston!) Weston’s acidic wisecracks and Richard’s smashing British good looks created a collective, seductive impact on stage. They were there to tell people exactly what they thought! Nice! Also: yow!

Read more…

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It’s official, I’m an asshole…

NOTE: Some background info here (check out the comments!), here, here, here and here.

To: markallen
Subject: Your Award!
Date: Jan 5, 2012 9:23 PM

Mr. Allen,
We would like to let you know that you have made the “ASSHOLES” section of the Official and World Famous Toughen Up America “Weak List!? Go and check the list to see your placement. Congratulations on being officially certified as a weak person. You are part of the huge problem facing this country. Congratulations on being a true asshole.

God Bless America!

Toughen Up America

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My new favorite photo

Via Rick Perry’s Twitter feed, live from Austin, TX, the post-Iowa Caucus morning of 1/4/12: “And the next leg of the marathon is the Palmetto State…Here we come South Carolina!!!”

(via Dallas Observer)

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Rick Santorum has Dan White-eyes

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It’s a head-to-head 3-way with Santorum in the middle! 

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By the end of tonight will we see Ron Paul hitchhiking out of Las Vegas with a suitcase, next to a billboard that says “The Stardust presents GODDESS III, starring Miss Ron Paul?”

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What channel is the Iowa Republican Caucus results on? And which channel is the premier of WORK IT? I keep getting them mixed up.

via my twitter feed:

- I hope Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari make cameos! #workit

- “As a woman, I need to ask you to plase stop comparing your annual prostate exam to the pinball scene in THE ACCUSED.” Funny! #workit

- Is he going to smell his wife’s dress like in BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN? #workit

- I don’t know what could possibly be bad about this show. The jokes appear to be written by Hallmark and it seems to have the political impact of a fart in a mitten. #workit

- I hunky man with 5 o’clock shadow in awkward drag is hilarious. Always will be. I’m sure many drag stars agree. #workit

- A struggling Republican contender could REALLY boost their campaign with a surprise walk-on. Michelle? …Marcus? #workit

- A woman on a diet eating only a stalk of celery at lunch is comedy. A man in drag doing it is comedy gold. #workit

- You know what’s annoying, bad and wrong about this show? The LOUD commercials. #workit

- on Work It: “..most likely remembered alongside My Mother, the Car & Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire as one of TV’s truly bad ideas.” Some criticisms really are parody-proof. #workit

- Have knee-jerk activists forgotten Monty Python? The Kids In The Hall? …Shakespeare? #workit

- I’m sure Quentin Crisp would have found this show mildly amusing, then forgotten about it. #workit

- So far I’ve laughed 4 times! Good for an ABC sit-com! #workit

- GLAAD telling me not to watch something is like Roz handing Lily Tomlin a memo in 9 TO 5. I’m like, “Thanks, I know just where to stick it.” #workit

- Enjoyed it! Can’t wait till next week! In the meantime I’m going to buy some of the products that were advertised during the show. #workit

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The late Santorum surge explained in two words: Cosby sweaters.

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I always though a really good name for a gay dive bar would be “The Bottomless Pit.” Just thinking about it makes my head spin.

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How come there are no gay “topless bars?”

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I love that Jennifer Saunders is wearing Bodymap in the new episode of ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!

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