Mark Allen

Check out part five of my “Know Your Internet History” series at The Awl: Did obscure music download blogs overshare the underexposed and blow the whole concept of “collectability” into oblivion? Have obscure music blogs granted everyone in the world the coolest record collection in the world: and now, nobody in the world has the coolest record collection in the world? Find out!

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Check out my latest piece at Huffington Post: After moving to upstate, have I discovered that sixteen years of city life have re-adjusted the volume input levels in my ears? Have I developed a case of “Sadatephobia” (an irrational fear of silence)? Is the peace and quiet of the country enough to drive a real New Yorker to madness? Read my story here.

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“He was a man with only one story: he had his cellar in his attic.” - Joe Bousquet

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) November 26, 2012

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Old-school HTML <blink>blinking text</blink> is poised for an internet comeback.

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) November 20, 2012

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Who wants to meet me at Guy Fieri’s Times Square restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner? Do they take party reservations?

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) November 20, 2012

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God, I hate Thanksgiving. Can’t we just have Halloween twice?

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) November 20, 2012

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White People Mourning Romney (continued…) #tcot twitter.com/_MarkAllen/sta…

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) November 9, 2012

The real list here.

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“Hello, I’m Mitt Romney for Thighmaster.”

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) November 7, 2012

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If Sheldon Adelson ends up not being able to buy the election for Romney it will just be more proof that Obama hasn’t improved the economy.

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) November 7, 2012

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Watching results with a group in the Catskills. We’ve got drinks! If Obama wins: champagne and red wine. If Romney wins: poisoned Kool-Aid.

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) November 7, 2012

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If Obama looses Tuesday, all US Democrats will be extradited to an eternally dark, hellish SoPo, where Nate Silver will rule as dingy Queen.

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) November 2, 2012

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President Obama on Sunday, October 28th, after realizing that he dialed the wrong number while making calls from a local campaign field office during a unscheduled visit in Orlando, Florida.

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Hey guys! A volunteer just opened one of these cans for me… THERE’S FOOD INSIDE THESE CANS! Hahahaha! How long have they had this?

— Mitt Romney’s Cans (@MittRomneyCans) October 31, 2012

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