Mark Allen

Check out my latest piece at Huffington Post Football News: is gay men’s dislike for football “nature or nurture?” A personal pigskin tale of terror! Read it here.

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I had a nightmare all humans on Earth could only speak in “Listicle Headline,” and sex had been reduced to a slideshow.

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 30, 2013

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“Boy, this place is a mess.”

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 28, 2013

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I’ve been on hold with the Merlin The Electronic Wizard tech support people for 36 years! God, this sucks!!!

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 24, 2013

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Awaiting the inevitable @nytimes story debating the new trend of using your iPhone at funerals to photograph the corpse…

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 24, 2013

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Since it’s trending again in a historical context: “Could the Stonewall Riots Be Staged as a Battle Reenactment?” huffingtonpost.com/mark-allen/sto…

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 21, 2013

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Accidentally bought red grapes with seeds in them… ugh, what an ordeal! How did the Romans ever survive? Show mercy Clementia!

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 19, 2013

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Chris Christie isn’t a conservative, he’s a liberal wolf in a sheep’s muumuu. #tgdn

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 18, 2013

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I wouldn’t want to be Obama’s royal taster. #tcot #tgdn

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 17, 2013

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It would be funny during the gun speech if instead of children (a rumor) Obama surrounded himself with violent and unstable mental patients.

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 16, 2013

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Gay activists say more celebrities should come out, the NRA says more people should carry guns…all I see is Richard Simmons with an AK-47.

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 15, 2013

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They should have just ended the Golden Globes after Jodie Foster’s speech. It would have been similar to the end of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY.

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 14, 2013

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Jon Finch RIP

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 12, 2013

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Congratulations to @surviveaplague for getting nominated for an #Oscar!

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 10, 2013

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I don’t know why people are laughing about Jacob J. Lew’s signature. It’s beautiful! Plus, it’s very similar to MINE: twitter.com/_MarkAllen/sta…

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 10, 2013

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“God, Lulu! You don’t have to pull that hard.”

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 8, 2013

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If Courtney Love shaved her head she’d be a shoe-in to play Genesis P. Orridge in the inevitable Throbbing Gristle biopic.

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 3, 2013

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Recent GOP decay & defeat somehow metastasized into Hillary’s clot, which currently awaits inside a dumpster behind New York Hospital. #tcot

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 2, 2013

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@chuckwoolery Where can I get LOVE CONNECTION on DVD?

— Mark Allen (@_MarkAllen) January 1, 2013

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